things going on in my life are still just as hard and just as bad. but you know what? my life is great right now. it's great because i'm learning that the stuff that happens to us is not what defines how we live our lives. it's how we manage the bad stuff. you can have tons of crappy circumstances and situations hitting you hard all at once for year and year after year until the day you die, but the second you begin to know how to manage it, even though the situations and problems themselves do not go away or change, suddenly life is so much better!
divorced parents? check
losing the house i grew up in? check
therapy? check
depression? check
addictive tendencies? check
chronic kidney stone disease? check
broken relationships? check
best friend moving away? checkkk
co-dependency issues? check
it's all there, it's all going to be there, it all sucks and it's painful, it lasts a long time, it all happens at once, it's crushing! but the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. He has given me so much strength! I feel so, so strong. I feel strong and confident as I move back to Ames and begin a tough semester of school and work and all the stress that comes with it.
:) and most of all, I am happy.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Saturday, August 09, 2008
to live is to learn.
"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."
Sometimes the best thing to do about something is to do nothing.
"You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains."
Sometimes people will just never understand what you're going through. After all, we are a flawed human race, and if we understood EVERYTHING then we'd by just like God.
"There are certain people you just keep coming back to."
It's ok to keep caring for someone, but removing them from your life at the same time.
"I would've stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life."
We can't save the people around us. We can only influence. The rest is God's job.
Some people get to a point where they literally cannot go on caring and watching someone they love go through painful things. I think these people are people that have not experienced extremely painful things themselves. That's why there are other people to lean on that do know what it's like.
"and when it rains on this side of town, it touches everything."
some people go through storms all their lives. some people will only feel a light sprinkle their whole lives.
--just things i've found to be true.
Sometimes the best thing to do about something is to do nothing.
"You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains."
Sometimes people will just never understand what you're going through. After all, we are a flawed human race, and if we understood EVERYTHING then we'd by just like God.
"There are certain people you just keep coming back to."
It's ok to keep caring for someone, but removing them from your life at the same time.
"I would've stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life."
We can't save the people around us. We can only influence. The rest is God's job.
Some people get to a point where they literally cannot go on caring and watching someone they love go through painful things. I think these people are people that have not experienced extremely painful things themselves. That's why there are other people to lean on that do know what it's like.
"and when it rains on this side of town, it touches everything."
some people go through storms all their lives. some people will only feel a light sprinkle their whole lives.
--just things i've found to be true.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Let Go.
lately i've found myself thinking, "why are they doing that!? why are they acting like that?!!!" and being really perplexed trying to understand why one of my friends is doing this and why another is doing that. it's frustrating when you really can't understand no matter how hard you try. i guess i try to do it because i want to be able to relate and learn more about relationships. but i must say, i think it's weird how much thought goes to wondering about other people...wondering about things i see... wondering about what goes on between people around me. it's weird because i just flipped my perspective around and realized that people do the same thing to me. they look at me acting a certain way and just go, "what??????" and don't get why i do this or why i say that. and i would tell them, hey if you don't get it, that's ok. but don't stay up at night thinking about how frustrating MY life may be in your mind. you obviously don't think the same way i do in ALL issues of life. duh. even if we're really good friends, and we have a connection, and we've been through lots of stuff together, and have a great relationship.... that doesn't mean everything is always going to be understood between each other.
for the first time ever in all my 19 (almost 20!) years of existing, i've learned how to let go of someone. i've actually been able to let go. that's... HUGE, for me. I always let the people around me control the way i think and act and speak. like with my parents, usually i let them walk all over me because i really am respectful towards them with my attitude and i really want to honor God's commandment to honor my parents. but i've had a lot of practice lately in balancing a respect and honor for my parents, with being brave and standing up for myself, and being able to be an adult and an individual. that's just been a crazy roller-coaster ride. but, back to the letting go thing. actually, i've let go of 2 people. 2 really big people. one, an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me and honestly controlled everything i did and said and felt. man i needed to break those chains off SO BAD! and they're finally broken. the other, a good friend who is always critiquing me and advising me, but never takes a dose of his own medicine. these are very important steps in my process of getting back to a healthy state of mind and successful person. all of the credit goes to my Lord, my Father in heaven, my Savior, Jesus Christ.
the nature of sin, ever since the fall of Adam and Eve, has been our sinful desire to be independent from God and do things our own way. I really let that sink in the past few weeks. How do I try to be independent from God in my own life, right now? well, for the longest time, I've tried to let go of these painful relationships with my own strength, with my human mind, my own free will. and it's great to know i have the free will to choose whether to follow myself or follow the God who made me, but i choose to give it all up to God and let Him control my life- since He's the one who knows what's best for me and knows the plan for my life, why would I take the reigns and do it myself, when me taking the reigns ALWAYS ends up in turmoil. ALWAYS. God is trying to restore my life to what He designed it to be. Why do I try to get in the way all the time? He is the ALMIGHTY GOD! ugh! it's infuriating thinking of my own crazy logic sometimes..... how I think I am just SO smart and so capable of being the god of my own life. I carry the generational sin that came to be with Adam and Eve. I know it, and this is what I'm choosing to do about it. What about you?
I've had such an awesome last couple of weeks, deepening my relationship with God. Tim spent a lot of time talking with me about a lot of stuff, many times over the past weeks, and it charged me up inside. I believe God used Tim to help spur me on in my spiritual awakening. He is such an amazing guy. Anyway, it's been awesome! I've been given such clarity in things that were so cloudy and foggy to me before. I know spiritual peace like I've never known before. With all the craziness in my life, there is no way I could ever say that with confidence without some kind of insanely magical thing helping me- aka Jesus Christ and his Holy Spirit working inside of me. blahhhhh. i cant even begin to explain it. God is just da bomb.
it's finally August........ oh my gosh. 15 days til I move back to Ames. PLEASE PRAY I CAN LAST. i'm serious.
for the first time ever in all my 19 (almost 20!) years of existing, i've learned how to let go of someone. i've actually been able to let go. that's... HUGE, for me. I always let the people around me control the way i think and act and speak. like with my parents, usually i let them walk all over me because i really am respectful towards them with my attitude and i really want to honor God's commandment to honor my parents. but i've had a lot of practice lately in balancing a respect and honor for my parents, with being brave and standing up for myself, and being able to be an adult and an individual. that's just been a crazy roller-coaster ride. but, back to the letting go thing. actually, i've let go of 2 people. 2 really big people. one, an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me and honestly controlled everything i did and said and felt. man i needed to break those chains off SO BAD! and they're finally broken. the other, a good friend who is always critiquing me and advising me, but never takes a dose of his own medicine. these are very important steps in my process of getting back to a healthy state of mind and successful person. all of the credit goes to my Lord, my Father in heaven, my Savior, Jesus Christ.
the nature of sin, ever since the fall of Adam and Eve, has been our sinful desire to be independent from God and do things our own way. I really let that sink in the past few weeks. How do I try to be independent from God in my own life, right now? well, for the longest time, I've tried to let go of these painful relationships with my own strength, with my human mind, my own free will. and it's great to know i have the free will to choose whether to follow myself or follow the God who made me, but i choose to give it all up to God and let Him control my life- since He's the one who knows what's best for me and knows the plan for my life, why would I take the reigns and do it myself, when me taking the reigns ALWAYS ends up in turmoil. ALWAYS. God is trying to restore my life to what He designed it to be. Why do I try to get in the way all the time? He is the ALMIGHTY GOD! ugh! it's infuriating thinking of my own crazy logic sometimes..... how I think I am just SO smart and so capable of being the god of my own life. I carry the generational sin that came to be with Adam and Eve. I know it, and this is what I'm choosing to do about it. What about you?
I've had such an awesome last couple of weeks, deepening my relationship with God. Tim spent a lot of time talking with me about a lot of stuff, many times over the past weeks, and it charged me up inside. I believe God used Tim to help spur me on in my spiritual awakening. He is such an amazing guy. Anyway, it's been awesome! I've been given such clarity in things that were so cloudy and foggy to me before. I know spiritual peace like I've never known before. With all the craziness in my life, there is no way I could ever say that with confidence without some kind of insanely magical thing helping me- aka Jesus Christ and his Holy Spirit working inside of me. blahhhhh. i cant even begin to explain it. God is just da bomb.
it's finally August........ oh my gosh. 15 days til I move back to Ames. PLEASE PRAY I CAN LAST. i'm serious.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Part 1 of spiritual growth.
I've been reading this book that Tim recommended, and it's called "God's Big Picture," by Vaughan Roberts. Basically, it is amazing. I am learning so much and growing deeper in my relationship with God, as I seek to know Him more and know His Word better. I wake up every day thirsting to know more about my Creator. I have read about 80ish pages so far, and this is what I've gotten from it so far:
-The Old Testament
1. the pattern of the kingdom
2. the perished kingdom
3. the promised kingdom
4. the partial kingdom
5. the prophesied kingdom
-The New Testament
6. the present kingdom
7. the proclaimed kingdom
8. the perfect kingdom
-the kingdom of God= God's people in God's place under God's rule and blessing.
-The Bible...
contains 66 books written by about 40 humans authors over nearly 2,000 years
has 2 main sections... Old and New, written in 2 main language... Hebrew and Greek
includes mixture of types of literature
39 books in Old, written 3rd century B.C.
27 books in New, written 1st century A.D.
Gospels are four accounts of the birth, life, teaching, death and resurrection of Jesus.
Acts, written by Luke, records the spread of the good news of Jesus after his ascension into heaven.
The Epistles are letters written mainly by Christ's chosen apostles.
Paul wrote Romans to Philemon.
but New Testament also contains letters from Peter, John, James, and Jude.
No one knows who wrote to the Hebrews.
Revelation is John's vision described.
-Just as the Lord Jesus was both fully human and fully divine, so the Bible is both a human and a divine book.
-it is united by ONE author= GOD.
-ONE subject= Jesus Christ and the salvation God offers through him.
-God's plan
-Old Testament: Promise
-New Testament: Fulfillment
-the way you read a book depends on the kind of book you think it is.
-the Bible is ONE book.
does not contain isolated sayings
each verse needs to be understood in the context of the chapter in which it appears
God's kingdom is the binding theme of the whole Bible
God's covenant promises ARE kingdom promises (some people think they are separate)
-There has never been a time when God, the three in one, was not.
-the Bible never allows us to rank the spiritual above the physical. Matter matters because God made it; it is 'good'.
"Human beings are animals. They are sometimes monsters, sometimes magnifcent, but always animals."
-but... WE alone, of ALL God's creation, have been made IN HIS IMAGE.
-we are made BY God and made LIKE God.
-'Rest' is the goal of creation.
-God's law is not oppressive; it is for our good.
-Man is created first, then the woman as his helper. Man is the LEADER in the relationship, but his authority is not ABUSED and the woman doesn't RESIST it. They enjoy marital bliss. They have complete intimacy WITHOUT fear or guilt.
-part of the purpose of the Sabbath law was to remind the Israelites that that is ultimately what life was designed for, rather than the concerns of the present world.
-we can experience something of that rest even in this fallen world.
-Satan is powerful, but not equal to God.
God alone is eternal
Satan is therefore a created being, but then must have rebelled against God.
-it doesn't matter whether or not we understand where evil comes from, but it is important that we know if its existence.
-Adam and Eve's FALL:
their sin is that of law-making, not just law-breaking.
they were saying, "from now on, God, we want to be the law-makers in the world, setting the standards by which we live."
usurping His authority and establishing their independence from Him
this has been the nature of sin EVER SINCE.
relationships between men and women is forever broken... the perfect trust and intimacy have now gone.
God tells the woman of sexual desire and a longing to take control over her husband
she will no longer submit willingly to his lead and he will no longer exercise it in the loving, self-sacrificial way that was God's design
the old innocence is gone... and by nature when he calls us back into fellowship with him, we always run away.
God's warning was not a mere THREAT. he carried out their spiritual death just like he said would happen to them.
once the vertical relationship with God has been broken, it is inevitable that horizontal relationships with one another will be broken as well.
so it is not a surprise that the first murder happens shortly after the fall
-Cain kills his brother Abel
-so the Lord created the great flood
it was a reversal of creation, a return to chaos
-then the Tower of Babel was built
it was a symbol of our sinful desire to exalt ourselves and be independent of God
-so God scatters people throughout earth and gives them different languages-- DIVISION among people, not just between us and God.
-God's motivation for rescuing the world was not, first and foremost, to make us happy -- although that is certainly one final result.
-rather, He is seeking to restore thing to the way they should be.
-God is in the center of the world that he has made
-but since the Fall, humans have refused to accept his right to be there and have tried to depose him.
-the results have been catastrophic
-when the King is in the middle, everything else falls into place.
SIN ---------> JUDGMENT-------------> GRACE.
-After killing Abel, Cain is driven into exile. But God does not completely abandon him. He places a protective mark on Cain and promises that anyone who kills him will himself be judged.
-Covenant= a binding agreement
-'testament' is another word for covenant
-a solemn committment
-appears 285 times in Old testament, 33 times in New.
Noah Covenant. sign= a rainbow
Abrahamic covenant. sign= circumcision
Mosaic covenant. sign= the Sabbath
New covenant. sign= baptism
-The promises Abraham received: people, land, and blessing.
people: "I will be your God, and you will be my people."
land: the promised land, Canaan.
blessing: through Abraham's descendants, "all people on earth will be blessed."
-the curse of the fall would be replaced by the blessing of salvation
-Abram ('exalted father') changed to Abraham ('father of a multitude').
-the history of Israel from Abraham until the high point of the monarchy under Solomon
-period of over 1,000 years
Genesis 12-Exodus 18
the 'people' promise
Exodus 19-end of Leviticus
the 'rule and blessing' promise
Numbers-Joshua
the 'land' promise
Judges-2 Chronicles
the 'King' promise
the patriarchs: Abraham and Sarah, then Isaac and Rebekah, sons are Esau and Jacob. Jacob has 12 sons, one being Joseph.
Ephesians 2:8-9
"it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast."
'Isaac'= "he laughs"
-God tells Abraham to sacrifice Isaac
-Abraham, full of grief, but obeys and has faith.
-God provides him with a ram at last minute to sacrifice instead of Isaac.
*Trust in the gospel promises EVEN WHEN we cannot understand what God is doing in our lives.
-Jacob tricks father Isaac into giving HIM his blessing instead of older son Esau
-God does not choose people on merit.
-Jacob has 12 sons
Joseph is his favorite, and all other brothers are jealous
brothers sell Joseph as a slave and tell Jacob that he is dead
Joseph ends up in Egypt and in prison for something he did not do
-Is God really in control????????? YES!
Joseph interprets the Pharoah's dreams and he is released and made Prime Minister of Egypt
Canaan is threatened by famine and so Joseph's brothers go to Egypt for help... and run into Joseph!
Joseph helps them, and it results in the preservation of God's people
***God always overrules to ensure that his gospel promises are protected.
-we may not always understand how he does that.
-The Old Testament
1. the pattern of the kingdom
2. the perished kingdom
3. the promised kingdom
4. the partial kingdom
5. the prophesied kingdom
-The New Testament
6. the present kingdom
7. the proclaimed kingdom
8. the perfect kingdom
-the kingdom of God= God's people in God's place under God's rule and blessing.
-The Bible...
contains 66 books written by about 40 humans authors over nearly 2,000 years
has 2 main sections... Old and New, written in 2 main language... Hebrew and Greek
includes mixture of types of literature
39 books in Old, written 3rd century B.C.
27 books in New, written 1st century A.D.
Gospels are four accounts of the birth, life, teaching, death and resurrection of Jesus.
Acts, written by Luke, records the spread of the good news of Jesus after his ascension into heaven.
The Epistles are letters written mainly by Christ's chosen apostles.
Paul wrote Romans to Philemon.
but New Testament also contains letters from Peter, John, James, and Jude.
No one knows who wrote to the Hebrews.
Revelation is John's vision described.
-Just as the Lord Jesus was both fully human and fully divine, so the Bible is both a human and a divine book.
-it is united by ONE author= GOD.
-ONE subject= Jesus Christ and the salvation God offers through him.
-God's plan
-Old Testament: Promise
-New Testament: Fulfillment
-the way you read a book depends on the kind of book you think it is.
-the Bible is ONE book.
does not contain isolated sayings
each verse needs to be understood in the context of the chapter in which it appears
God's kingdom is the binding theme of the whole Bible
God's covenant promises ARE kingdom promises (some people think they are separate)
-There has never been a time when God, the three in one, was not.
-the Bible never allows us to rank the spiritual above the physical. Matter matters because God made it; it is 'good'.
"Human beings are animals. They are sometimes monsters, sometimes magnifcent, but always animals."
-but... WE alone, of ALL God's creation, have been made IN HIS IMAGE.
-we are made BY God and made LIKE God.
-'Rest' is the goal of creation.
-God's law is not oppressive; it is for our good.
-Man is created first, then the woman as his helper. Man is the LEADER in the relationship, but his authority is not ABUSED and the woman doesn't RESIST it. They enjoy marital bliss. They have complete intimacy WITHOUT fear or guilt.
-part of the purpose of the Sabbath law was to remind the Israelites that that is ultimately what life was designed for, rather than the concerns of the present world.
-we can experience something of that rest even in this fallen world.
-Satan is powerful, but not equal to God.
God alone is eternal
Satan is therefore a created being, but then must have rebelled against God.
-it doesn't matter whether or not we understand where evil comes from, but it is important that we know if its existence.
-Adam and Eve's FALL:
their sin is that of law-making, not just law-breaking.
they were saying, "from now on, God, we want to be the law-makers in the world, setting the standards by which we live."
usurping His authority and establishing their independence from Him
this has been the nature of sin EVER SINCE.
relationships between men and women is forever broken... the perfect trust and intimacy have now gone.
God tells the woman of sexual desire and a longing to take control over her husband
she will no longer submit willingly to his lead and he will no longer exercise it in the loving, self-sacrificial way that was God's design
the old innocence is gone... and by nature when he calls us back into fellowship with him, we always run away.
God's warning was not a mere THREAT. he carried out their spiritual death just like he said would happen to them.
once the vertical relationship with God has been broken, it is inevitable that horizontal relationships with one another will be broken as well.
so it is not a surprise that the first murder happens shortly after the fall
-Cain kills his brother Abel
-so the Lord created the great flood
it was a reversal of creation, a return to chaos
-then the Tower of Babel was built
it was a symbol of our sinful desire to exalt ourselves and be independent of God
-so God scatters people throughout earth and gives them different languages-- DIVISION among people, not just between us and God.
-God's motivation for rescuing the world was not, first and foremost, to make us happy -- although that is certainly one final result.
-rather, He is seeking to restore thing to the way they should be.
-God is in the center of the world that he has made
-but since the Fall, humans have refused to accept his right to be there and have tried to depose him.
-the results have been catastrophic
-when the King is in the middle, everything else falls into place.
SIN ---------> JUDGMENT-------------> GRACE.
-After killing Abel, Cain is driven into exile. But God does not completely abandon him. He places a protective mark on Cain and promises that anyone who kills him will himself be judged.
-Covenant= a binding agreement
-'testament' is another word for covenant
-a solemn committment
-appears 285 times in Old testament, 33 times in New.
Noah Covenant. sign= a rainbow
Abrahamic covenant. sign= circumcision
Mosaic covenant. sign= the Sabbath
New covenant. sign= baptism
-The promises Abraham received: people, land, and blessing.
people: "I will be your God, and you will be my people."
land: the promised land, Canaan.
blessing: through Abraham's descendants, "all people on earth will be blessed."
-the curse of the fall would be replaced by the blessing of salvation
-Abram ('exalted father') changed to Abraham ('father of a multitude').
-the history of Israel from Abraham until the high point of the monarchy under Solomon
-period of over 1,000 years
Genesis 12-Exodus 18
the 'people' promise
Exodus 19-end of Leviticus
the 'rule and blessing' promise
Numbers-Joshua
the 'land' promise
Judges-2 Chronicles
the 'King' promise
the patriarchs: Abraham and Sarah, then Isaac and Rebekah, sons are Esau and Jacob. Jacob has 12 sons, one being Joseph.
Ephesians 2:8-9
"it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast."
'Isaac'= "he laughs"
-God tells Abraham to sacrifice Isaac
-Abraham, full of grief, but obeys and has faith.
-God provides him with a ram at last minute to sacrifice instead of Isaac.
*Trust in the gospel promises EVEN WHEN we cannot understand what God is doing in our lives.
-Jacob tricks father Isaac into giving HIM his blessing instead of older son Esau
-God does not choose people on merit.
-Jacob has 12 sons
Joseph is his favorite, and all other brothers are jealous
brothers sell Joseph as a slave and tell Jacob that he is dead
Joseph ends up in Egypt and in prison for something he did not do
-Is God really in control????????? YES!
Joseph interprets the Pharoah's dreams and he is released and made Prime Minister of Egypt
Canaan is threatened by famine and so Joseph's brothers go to Egypt for help... and run into Joseph!
Joseph helps them, and it results in the preservation of God's people
***God always overrules to ensure that his gospel promises are protected.
-we may not always understand how he does that.
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