I see your heart...... it's beautiful.

heyyyyyyyyyy.

So. I have had SO much fun this weekend, it's been amazing! Both Friday and Saturday nights were spent dancing the night away (seriously!) in the official "frat house" of Friley... the one and only Niles-Foster.

It's like a frat, except no creepers, and it's not lame. I love the whole group! I've met so many people and made really good friends through spending so much time with Nick and all the guys on his floor, and the other girls that call Niles-Foster their home pretty much. We kinda feel like one big family. When you put your arms around each other and make one big circle, yelling in chorus "I Want it That Way" by the Backstreet Boys at 2 a.m.... you kinda find yourselves closer than you were before... haha. it's friggin' awesome!

I've been trying my hardest to not dwell on the things going on with my parents, or any other stress-causer in my life that I cannot control. I'm just focusing on myself. I'm focusing on getting through finals week and that's IT. that's all I can do. then it's time to get my wisdom teeth out and I'm not gonna worry about it until December 17th comes around.

I was inspired to paint yesterday, so I painted while Nick recorded in his room, and the creative juices were allowed to flow and it was FANTASTIC! I am so satisfied with the result... I seriously love this painting.


I did all sorts of new, fun techniques, which I love about the arts... really gets me pumped up! Then today, Nick recorded a part he wrote for me to sing in this new song he's recording... it's a pretty acoustic song, not really like his other stuff. I was surprised how shy I was to sing in front of him, and I don't know how many times I had to do it.. over and over and over and over and over again, but I got it pretty perfect and it sounds super good......I can't believe it's me singing! wooo! way fun.

I'm not getting stressed about it being dead week. I love dead week, actually. Even though I have very tough tests to prepare for... being anxious and stressed about tests is not the way to be successful, I've definitely learned that. Just relax and have fun- watch movies while it's cold and snowy outside, drink tea and hot cocoa, and just make sure to study a little every day and you'll be just fine- at least, just do the best you can do, and that's all you should worry about.



P.S. Anybody else TOTALLY EXCITED to see the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie coming out!?!?! it looks freaking HILARIOUS!!! :)

2 old poems

I wrote this in early 2006, and it became the inspiration for one of my favorite paintings from my AP Studio Art collection my senior year of high school. Lately I've been trying to take my inspiration and this whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, and put them into poetry.. but I've been having trouble getting a good rhythm, so I've been looking back at old poetry to maybe stir up something.

I'm the queen of fixing grammar errors
but I cannot speak these words
I listen with my heart
but cannot submit to the truth
I'm amazing at smiling through pain
but cannot laugh away your face
I'm great at writing out my feelings
but cannot feel great after I write them
I'm so strong when I'm around you
but cannot hide my weakness when I am not
I'm good at crying out to my Father
but cannot hear what He says back
I'm able to withstand the hard times
but cannot see light at the end of this
I'm joyful whenever you see me
but cannot be happy in my isolation
I'm alright with admitting that I've fallen
but cannot figure out how to rise up
I'm ok with change and adapting
but cannot accept that I'm losing you
I'm the biggest optimist you've ever known
but cannot convince myself you'll ever hug me again
I'm a vigorous fighter in most cases
but cannot fight off the inevitable
I'm skilled in bouncing back
but cannot go anywhere but down
I'm a lover, I'm a dreamer, I'm an artist
but I cannot find the love in this pain
I cannot dream away this nightmare
I cannot paint this hole in my heart.
-----

And this is a poem I wrote actually a little over 2 years ago, in April of 2005.... it inspired my absolute FAVORITE painting, because it made me feel so much as I wrote it, and every time I read over it again... it was easy to represent the tone in beautiful colors. There is nothing I love more than using color to demonstrate how I feel.

All the voices fade away
the colors around me turn to gray
background noises gradually drop out
no more whispers, no murmurs of doubt
Alone I lay, broken on the floor
ever-hopeful heart like an open door
lingering scent upon my soul, I pray:
please stay, oh I pray that you stay
With time on my side I am so high
above mountains of worry and rivers run dry
high I sigh while I glide along a cloud
breaking the silence I SCREAM OUT LOUD
ALIVE I scream and ALIVE I bleed
escape the cage and be free, resist the feed
take heed: the others oppose your heart
their words will wound like a poison dart
Tonight my light guides me down my path
I know not when I will next face your wrath
but somehow dark edges remain on the outside
all I see: a sunset offshore of the restless tide
With water rising ever-presently all around me
fears of drowning swim into view constantly
like millions of grains of sand in my hand
these thoughts will slip through the cracks; I will stand!
-tall! amongst the angry and ignorant crowd
with voices that pierce, I still remain proud
if fight you I must, then FIGHT YOU I WILL
I will protect my heart, MY LOVE YOU CANNOT KILL.
---
<3 the end.

"It's true I failed, but Your love covers me."

Today I awoke to a surge of creativity inside of me. The artistic vibe flourished and I found myself painting on my deck, listening to The Almost.

This lyric: "It's true I failed, but Your love covers me"
was the inspiration for my painting. This is how I would explain it more...

dirtiness of sin in our lives
we fail all the time
we're constantly sinning
but that is not the end
no, God gives us
new beginnings
hope for life
His sacrificial love
covers every mistake
wiping us clean of all the
dirt, grime, and ugliness
making us white as snow
His blood covers us
His love saves us

He LOVES us!
<3

So I felt those words and I turned them into colors. It's a more simple, abstract piece. Not much technique nor compositon considered, but emotion and color dominate the overall look... and a little bit of movement. I have limited supplies too, so, that kind of stinks. It took many layers to finally feel right to me, and I kept adding washes on top to polish it off. It's nothing amazing, but I like it. It'll do for now. I've been walking around my empty house singing worship songs out loud to God, well at least I hope no one was around because I'd be a little embarrassed... but uhh, I'm really focused on God today, and I feel good about that.

Love, Emily.