Debbie Downer

Not to be a debbie downer or anything... but you want to know what's really annoying me right now...? Well I'll tell you. This darn kidney stone pain is what's annoying me right now! I'm a strong girl, I can take a lot, but this is just stinking annoying. It's like a knife just sitting inside of me, poking me every now and then, but it's a consistent thing all day long. I hate hanging out with my friends and having a blast and then feeling sharp pangs of pain, putting me in a bad mood. I don't like waiting for results from important tests like my ultrasound, I don't like how anxious it makes me. I'm so worried about them not finding anything at all and either sending me off to have another cat scan or scratching their heads and telling me to just do what i've always done: drink lots of water, lemonade, etc... flush them all out. If I were like 60 or 70 years old, I'd gladly start taking a pill twice a day EVERY DAY for the rest of my life to stop kidney stones from forming inside of me, but I'm 18 years old (in 3 days) and too young to depend on medicine for the rest of my life. And that is my rant on kidney stones for today. The end.

On a totally different note...

Lately I have been pondering certain song lyrics...

"You cannot quit me so quickly, there's no hope in you for me... No corner you could squeeze me, but I got all the time for you love..."-dmb



"Sometimes it seems that I don't have the skills to recollect the twists and turns of plot that turned us from lovers to friends.. I am thinking I should take that volume back up off the shelf and crack its weary spine and read to help remind myself..."-dcfc



"I am waiting for you to flee the scene... as if you held in your hand the smoking gun and on the floor laid the one you said you loved..."-dcfc



"...'Cause the season's change was a conduit, and we left our love in our summer skin..."-dcfc

Yeah, maybe you can hear the doubt in my voice... but can you hear the deepest threads of my heart...? they're screaming in pain. they're screaming for you.

College is coming up, I'm not ready. The one person I want right now is 1200 miles away, it hurts. I'll finally be 18, all that means to me is that I have even more responsibility than before. I'm going to live in Ames soon with crazy college kids, I wonder how many times I'll have to say no to alcohol. I'm going to be on my own, I bet I'm gonna mess up a lot. Like I said at the beginning... I'm kind of in a bad mood. slash weird. bad and weird. yeah...