"I crossed the desert to be with you, I need you, I need you next to me."

I don't know how to describe life as of late. That's kind of saying a lot, since I am pretty good at describing things being a writer and an English major and everything......

Hm. I don't know. It's important to get out what is inside of you, because if it stays there you can never be certain what affect it will have on you. No matter what it is, I think it's better to get it out and feel free than keep it in and let it sit and stew until things just boil over everywhere. It's also important to have discretion. I find myself very uninhibited most of the time, so sometimes discretion is not my first thought... or my second... or third...you get the picture. But it is also very important to not let the fear of imposing yourself on other people keep you from doing what is best for you. Thoughts that go through your head might be- "but what will they think? what if this causes them to be angry at me? what if they think poorly of me afterwards?" but, it's very important to push those thoughts aside if it is in your best interest. I'm trying to take these three points and shake them up and somehow live a balanced, reasonable, and right way. It's not easy and it's not too hard, so somewhere I'll get it right.

Also. Isn't it funny how the things we try to control in this world really end up controlling us? Maybe not funny, to some extent... but interesting nonetheless. Maybe the solution isn't what you'd think it to be, even if it seems totally right and you've "thought it through" (like you think about something and magically end that issue in your mind as if it never comes up again..? yeah right). Sometimes what actually happens is we try to fix our problem area SO much, we end up right where we started off. Let me explain. We keep ourselves messed up the more we continue trying to UN-mess up our lives. Every problem area we have, every part of ourselves we need and try to fix, is like a box we're stuck in. And the more we try to fight out way out of the box, the longer we're going to stay stuck in that box. If I have a problem with being self-controlled maybe, to change that I would think I need to try to have more self-control... more control of myself. And what actually ends up happening, is eventually I get to a point where I'm not really controlling anything, I'm being controlled by myself without even knowing it and it leaves me exactly where I was before- out of control, lacking self-discipline, whatever you would like to call it. So maybe the solution is not really GETTING OUT, GETTING AWAY from that problem, from that box. Maybe the solution to your problem is to explore it a little, or a lot. Accept it. Accept that you have something you need to better, to work on, and that you're still ok no matter what that problem is. You're not bad. After acceptance, you feel empowered and free to fix your eyes on the positive place you want to get and not the negative place you're sitting in at the moment. Only then can problems begin to get fixed. Recovery isn't a day-long process, but I think it should be recognized that my faith in Jesus Christ is the kind of faith that believes in miracles. I believe that Jesus could take away every bad thing in my life in the matter of a second because I have faith in His great and mighty power. But you still have to understand, problems can go deeper than you think, and they will take time to recover from and to fix.

I just think it's time we start thinking about things differently than before. Or maybe, just be more aware that the way we think about things might not actually be the way things really are.