I'm alive

Random thoughts:

I've never loved a job or group of people at a job more than I do at the Ames Express. and I also never thought I would ever truly get to this point, but I find myself increasing in my love and passion for fashion and being an associate with Limited Brands. It's so awesome!!!

I always enjoy getting my haircut, and not just like trimmed or barely cut.. but like going from really long to a lot shorter and what not, just to change things up! So that's what I did a couple weeks ago w/ Bekah, butttttt I already want my hair to be the long length it was before.. I miss it and can't wait for it to grow out again!

I'm kind of becoming a hippie with my style. Basically all of Veishea week, I was dressed all hippie-ish, it was awesome haha.. I love the vibe and people come up to me and ask me about it- it's sweet.

I had an Associate Observation Assessment today at work and it went super great, and I'm learning even more about managing a business like Express. It's amazing to me how much goes on and how awesome it feels to be apart of something so special.

I'm really stressed out about things back in West Des Moines. Our glen oaks home is in foreclosure and we'll lose it in a few months, but we need to be out as soon as possible pretty much. It's not so much a sentimental attachment to the physical being of the house itself, more so just the fact that I will once again be living in a new place and the instability is kind of getting to me. I've pretty much given up on "living comfortably" as I used to know it.. I mean I wouldn't say I'm living UNcomfortably, but I'm definitely not living like I used to. I just wish I could know right NOW where I will actually be living come May. I pray my mom finds an afforadable appartment... ugh.

I've decided that after slipping on some responsible and good decisions this past week, I'm going to change that immediately and not go back to it again. I just came to this point, driving back to my house at like 5 am, exhausted, where I literally asked out loud- "what am I... doing?!" I believe that's what you call conviction from the Holy Spirit, and I'm glad that my God cares for me enough to get through to us in those ways. Anyway, the partying life is STRESSFUL and EXHAUSTING. My life is stressful and exhausting enough already- I can have fun without drinking, I did it for 19 years of my life and proved it.

I had a really helpful talk with Shelli tonight after I got home from work. She really, really, really helped me put something into perspective that has been hurting me a ton lately. It still hurts a lot, but at least I know I will be ok someday.

Withdrawing from this semester at ISU was the best choice I've ever made. I've really been learning how faithful God is in taking care of His children, and taking care of me. Broken, messed up, disastrous ME. I've seen how obeying His will and trusting in Him really does make everything fall into place just how it's meant to. Like how withdrawing allowed me to focus on recovering from my car accident, and learning how to spend time taking care of myself and grow, and how to be free from the chains of lies that were holding me down in darkness. Withdrawing also led to freedom from a destructive relationship, as well as finding an amazing new friend and sister and future roommate. Withdrawing ALSO led to me discovering a new career direction and educational path- the fashion design industry.

basically, i love life.