I have a big mouth. I do. And a lot of times it's even a big, stupid mouth. Everyone who would call themselves a friend of mine, or, anyone who knows me, can all agree that I'm a generally loud person. Well.. let me clarify. I'm loud in social situations. Like when I'm with a big group of people and/or participating in a social activity, or whatever you'd like to call it. But not only am I just loud. I was walking up the stairs to get back to my room tonight, and the entire climb I was thinking about how much of a big mouth I have. A big, loud, stupid mouth. I don't think before I say things. I just say it. I don't think at all, I just want to get the sentence out of my mouth and out of my head the second it enters, without any processing. And it's not like I say mean things when I blurt things out without thinking. No, that's not my problem. I KNOW some people who have a problem with that and that's not me. I am totally aware of people's feelings when I say something, but, I always seem to say something at the wrong time or to the wrong person or whatever, and it's always because I don't think about it before I say it. OR, I think way, way, WAY too much about something before I say it, and then it all comes out totally not the way I originally intended it to come out because my original thoughts get all skewed and messed up when I over-think things. So, I either don't think at all, or I think way too much, therefore I end up saying something completely stupid, ridiculous, or just something that I don't really mean at all. It's vicious. Gets me every time it seems..
One of my favorite oldies of John Mayer's Room For Squares album can pretty much explain my thoughts right now.
My stupid mouth has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see she was offended
She said well anyway..
just dying for a subject change.
Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said think before speaking
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do?
I guess he better find one soon
We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess
with the salt and pepper shaker
And I could see clearly
An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good,
what just slipped out,
and what went wrong
Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again
How could I forget?
Mama said think before speaking
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do?
I guess he better find one
I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery than she desert me
Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now
Starting now
One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked, just wanna be funny
Looks like the joke's on me
So call me Captain Backfire
I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery than she desert me
Oh I'm never speaking up again
I'm never speaking up again
I'm never speaking up again
Starting now
Starting now
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