twisting my stomach into knots

So I realized something today.

I am still holding a lot of resentment towards the fact that my car accident happened the first week of the Spring semester. Not just resentment, sometimes I feel furious about it still.

I still wake up some nights seeing that truck coming at me. I still remember the sound of metal hitting metal, and the way time seemed to slow from the moment of impact to the moment I slid to a stop. I remember not remembering some moments at all, because I have blocked them out of my memory.

I'm still so angry that it happened in the first place. That it costs so much money to fix a messed up car or to buy a replacement car. That it caused so much stress on my life that I couldn't handle on top of everything else. That it made me have to leave school for the semester. That it made me have to run around getting forms signed and officiated and no one really seemed to know what they were doing. That no one seemed to understand how much it affected my life, they just figured oh well Emily is just dramatic and makes things into big deals. That 2 months later, I have to go to every place that treated me for injuries after the accident from here in Ames to Des Moines, and get them to release documentation of what happened and what tests were done so that Iowa State University refunds my mom her money for this semester. Wow.

I'm still angry that I had to move out of the dorms, that there was nothing I could do but submit to my circumstances and leave. I'm still angry that it seems like everyone around me had it WAY easier than I have had it, but no one else seemed to recognize that.

I need to let this anger out, but I don't know how. I'm just still so angry that I was driving on that stretch of the interstate at THAT minute the roads were so slick and I just HAD to switch lanes and that truck just HAD to be behind me in the lane I was sliding in and my car just HAD to make a 360 degree turn so I was facing it.

So angry.