be of good cheer!

These are some things I am thinking and praying about this week... good things to keep close to your heart:


"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."--Romans 12:15

Galatians 5:16-25~

16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery,^[a] fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders,^[b] drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Philippians 3:12-14 ~

12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

1 John 2:15-17

15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.

John 16:33 ~

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
----------------

Amen.

adversity

"Then all his brothers, all his sisters, and all those who had been his acquaintances before, came to him and ate food with him in his house; and they consoled him and comforted him for all the adversity that the Lord had brought upon him. Each one gave him a piece of silver and each a ring of gold. Now the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning; for he had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, one thousand yoke of oxen, and one thousand female donkeys. He also had seven sons and three daughters. And he called the name of the first Jemimah, the name of the second Keziah, and the name of the third Keren-Happuch. In all the land were found no women so beuatiful as the daughters of Job; and their father gave them an inheritance among their brothers. After this Job lived one hundred and forty years, and saw his children and grandchildren for four generations. So Job died, old and full of days."--Job 42: 11-17
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Psalm 35:

1 Plead my cause, O LORD, with those who strive with me;
Fight against those who fight against me.
2 Take hold of shield and buckler,
And stand up for my help.
3 Also draw out the spear,
And stop those who pursue me.
Say to my soul,
“I am your salvation.”

4 Let those be put to shame and brought to dishonor
Who seek after my life;
Let those be turned back and brought to confusion
Who plot my hurt.
5 Let them be like chaff before the wind,
And let the angel^[a] of the LORD chase them.
6 Let their way be dark and slippery,
And let the angel of the LORD pursue them.
7 For without cause they have hidden their net for me in a pit,
Which they have dug without cause for my life.
8 Let destruction come upon him unexpectedly,
And let his net that he has hidden catch himself;
Into that very destruction let him fall.

9 And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD;
It shall rejoice in His salvation.
10 All my bones shall say,
“LORD, who is like You,
Delivering the poor from him who is too strong for him,
Yes, the poor and the needy from him who plunders him?”

11 Fierce witnesses rise up;
They ask me things that I do not know.
12 They reward me evil for good,
To the sorrow of my soul.
13 But as for me, when they were sick,
My clothing was sackcloth;
I humbled myself with fasting;
And my prayer would return to my own heart.
14 I paced about as though he were my friend or brother;
I bowed down heavily, as one who mourns for his mother.

15 But in my adversity they rejoiced
And gathered together;
Attackers gathered against me,
And I did not know it;
They tore at me and did not cease;
16 With ungodly mockers at feasts
They gnashed at me with their teeth.

17 Lord, how long will You look on?
Rescue me from their destructions,
My precious life from the lions.
18 I will give You thanks in the great assembly;
I will praise You among many people.

19 Let them not rejoice over me who are wrongfully my enemies;
Nor let them wink with the eye who hate me without a cause.
20 For they do not speak peace,
But they devise deceitful matters
Against the quiet ones in the land.
21 They also opened their mouth wide against me,
And said, “Aha, aha!
Our eyes have seen it.”

22 This You have seen, O LORD;
Do not keep silence.
O Lord, do not be far from me.
23 Stir up Yourself, and awake to my vindication,
To my cause, my God and my Lord.
24 Vindicate me, O LORD my God, according to Your righteousness;
And let them not rejoice over me.
25 Let them not say in their hearts, “Ah, so we would have it!”
Let them not say, “We have swallowed him up.”

26 Let them be ashamed and brought to mutual confusion
Who rejoice at my hurt;
Let them be clothed with shame and dishonor
Who exalt themselves against me.

27 Let them shout for joy and be glad,
Who favor my righteous cause;
And let them say continually,
“Let the LORD be magnified,
Who has pleasure in the prosperity of His servant.”
28 And my tongue shall speak of Your righteousness
And of Your praise all the day long.
---------------------
Psalm 94:

1 O LORD God, to whom vengeance belongs—
O God, to whom vengeance belongs, shine forth!
2 Rise up, O Judge of the earth;
Render punishment to the proud.
3 LORD, how long will the wicked,
How long will the wicked triumph?

4 They utter speech, and speak insolent things;
All the workers of iniquity boast in themselves.
5 They break in pieces Your people, O LORD,
And afflict Your heritage.
6 They slay the widow and the stranger,
And murder the fatherless.
7 Yet they say, “The LORD does not see,
Nor does the God of Jacob understand.”

8 Understand, you senseless among the people;
And you fools, when will you be wise?
9 He who planted the ear, shall He not hear?
He who formed the eye, shall He not see?
10 He who instructs the nations, shall He not correct,
He who teaches man knowledge?
11 The LORD knows the thoughts of man,
That they are futile.

12 Blessed is the man whom You instruct, O LORD,
And teach out of Your law,
13 That You may give him rest from the days of adversity,
Until the pit is dug for the wicked.
14 For the LORD will not cast off His people,
Nor will He forsake His inheritance.
15 But judgment will return to righteousness,
And all the upright in heart will follow it.

16 Who will rise up for me against the evildoers?
Who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity?
17 Unless the LORD had been my help,
My soul would soon have settled in silence.
18 If I say, “My foot slips,”
Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up.
19 In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.

20 Shall the throne of iniquity, which devises evil by law,
Have fellowship with You?
21 They gather together against the life of the righteous,
And condemn innocent blood.
22 But the LORD has been my defense,
And my God the rock of my refuge.
23 He has brought on them their own iniquity,
And shall cut them off in their own wickedness;
The LORD our God shall cut them off.
--------------------

Psalm 5:

1 Give ear to my words, O LORD,
Consider my meditation.
2 Give heed to the voice of my cry,
My King and my God,
For to You I will pray.
3 My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD;
In the morning I will direct it to You,
And I will look up.

4 For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness,
Nor shall evil dwell with You.
5 The boastful shall not stand in Your sight;
You hate all workers of iniquity.
6 You shall destroy those who speak falsehood;
The LORD abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man.

7 But as for me, I will come into Your house in the multitude of Your mercy;
In fear of You I will worship toward Your holy temple.
8 Lead me, O LORD, in Your righteousness because of my enemies;
Make Your way straight before my face.

9 For there is no faithfulness in their mouth;
Their inward part is destruction;
Their throat is an open tomb;
They flatter with their tongue.
10 Pronounce them guilty, O God!
Let them fall by their own counsels;
Cast them out in the multitude of their transgressions,
For they have rebelled against You.

11 But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You;
Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them;
Let those also who love Your name
Be joyful in You.
12 For You, O LORD, will bless the righteous;
With favor You will surround him as with a shield.
-----------------
John 14:23-24

23 Jesus answered and said to him, "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. 24 He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father's who sent Me.
-----------------
James 1:2-3


2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
-----------------

Amen.

tuesday and wednesday happiness.

Tuesday:

the tuesday lunch bunch (for once all 4 of us were present! cort, erin, jamie, and me) had some good laughs and good conversations once again. random snippings:

to me: "why wont you just walk me to class!" --cort
"cort i have a question for you." --erin
**theoretical discussion on anti-semitism**
to cort: "so when do you want me to come over, 2:30?" --me
"i'm gonna go to class... then take a shower." --cort
"is that a yes?" --me
**just looks at me**
"ok i'm just gonna be over at 2:30 then, whether you want me to or not." --me
**cort says goodbye to us all, walks away to take his lunch tray and leave**
**all the sudden, he's standing next to our table again**
"so i have a theory. and this is going to make me late for class, but...." --cort
**we listen**
**we laugh**
the end.

that was funny to me, but probably not to anyone else. :-)

the rest of my Tuesday was great. Cort and I did our Library 160 hmwrk on his couch for about an hour and 15 minutes. He admitted he probably wouldnt have gotten the motivation to do it himself if i hadnt come over to do it with him, haha. We got a tonnn done! Then he checked his email and was on his computer for awhile, while i sprawled out on the couch and read The New York Times. JR woke up from his nap and left, then all the sudden I was sound asleep! I woke up at 5:30 and Cort was asleep in his loft with his Bible next to him. I guess the library homework pretty much sedated us or something... yeah. So I played super mario for 15 minutes, left sleeping Cort a note, and left to eat dinner at the udcc with Jamie! That night, all I did was study and work on hmwrk.... like for hours and hours! ugh. it was yucky. I studied for my geology midterm for over an hour, then gave up and decided i was not going to stress out about it at all. it felt good to just be calm and feel peaceful, even with a yucky test looming over my head. i credit God with pretty much all of my peace as of late. i have been reading so much of the Word and praying much more than usual, and i am finding it makes life so much better. i feel so close to Him.

Wednesday

Erin and I had our sister dinner night together at the udcc. It is still quite painful for me to eat and drink, with my awful cankor sores :-( but I think it's slowly getting less painful.. very slowly. anyway, we had a wonderful talk and caught up on our weeks. I helped her a little with some issues that had been going on earlier that day with her, and it made me feel happy to know I helped out my sister. Even though she's older than me, sometimes I feel like I can fill that older-sister role when she's having a hard time. We have each others backs, when one is down the other helps bring you back up :-). Her boyfriend, Brian, surprised her from behind and also made her feel a lot better about things, it was really cute. Erin and I decided to go to the Lied rec center later and play raquetball and soccer! yay! we took the bus at like 7:30, so from 7:45 til 9 we had some fun at the rec center. we were doing so well at raquetball, seriously we were rocking that court! haha.

afterwards, erin went back to friley and i stopped in at birch to see Mike and Zach! i watched laguna beach, haha, and mike kinda watched it with me... he was trying to act like he wasnt wanting to watch it.. but i think he kinda did... lol. then zach got back from dodgeball. so the rest of the night we hung out together. i hung out with them and josh, and mike thomason, and duncan. at one point, i played this cool basketball video game with mike thomason in his room, haha, first against mike, and then against duncan. i was pretty good, and its kind of an addicting game! well it was late, very late, haha, so yeah i said goodbye to everyone and walked out the side door of birch to walk home. duncan saw me and was like 'hey, are you leaving?' i said yes, then he said, 'well i'll walk you back!' :-) haha so he walked me home!!!!!!! and we talked the whole way back about swimming and soccer and stuff. it was cute. :-) he is so easy to talk with. it was a nice night to take a walk. it made me happy.

that's all i had to write about. i think i'm going to take the rest of this day and just relax, and do homework, maybe curl up later and watch a movie or tv. yeahhh. love! <3

is He in you?

Have you ever just sat down and read through the book of Proverbs? I suggest you do it sometime. I got so much out of it, I'm not done yet with the whole book, but I am just learning so much. It's really interesting for me to read through these Proverbs and get to one that totally relates to my life situation right now. Like...

"One who turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination."

do you have people in your life you really care about who are aware that they're living in sin, but just keep doing it? have you ever done that before? i know i have before many times, since I am no where close to being perfect, and reading that proverb just hits me hard and helps me to want to get back on track with God. and for people i love who do it, i just want to pray for them even more than before. that word 'abomination' just gets to me!

oh i love this one...

"As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."

I remember talking about something along these lines in Barnabus Team last year sometime... about how we sharpen each other as Christians, and how important it is to hold each other accountable, because otherwise we will just be dull and weak. but by sharpening each other, we are stronger and less susceptible to evil.

I think this one is so, so true in our daily lives:

"The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts."

This one helps encourage me to pick my close companions very carefully:

"The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray."

This one makes me think of the difference between how humans think and how God thinks:

"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the hearts."

This one just confuses me in a way that... i just cant fathom it, i dont know:

"A man's steps are of the Lord; How then can a man understand his own way?"

This one is something I have known of since I was very little, it's a verse my parents taught me I think, or it's written on something we have had in our house since I was little, yeah thats right:

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Here is a great one:

"Evil men do not understand justive, but those who seek the LORD understand all."

Ok, well, I have just been very enlightened tonight and thought I would share what stood out to me. I don't have a daily devotional or weekly devotional book, or whatever. I learned when I was very young that I didn't learn well in a structured format, but rather when I feel convicted or prompted by the Holy Spirit to dig into the Word. THat may sound like the wrong way to do it, but, the important thing is that I developed a habit of doing it. I dont think there are right or wrong ways to spend time with God alone, or meditate on His Word, or do a devotional (whatever you choose to call it, it's all the same). I think as long as you do it habitually, and are getting a consistent filling of the Word, then you are ok. Pastor Dan Wentworth said it best one hot morning during a group devotional in Belize in Summer 2005... we are like oranges. when we are squeezed, whatever is inside of us will come out. If we fill ourselves with God's Word, when we are squeezed, God will come out of us. That way, we show others the love of Jesus Christ. That's why it's important to get a consistent filling from the best book out there- The Bible.

I don't know why I have written so much lately, I suppose I am just having one of my inspired impulses... after all, that's what my ENFP type says about me! haha. :-)

oh and sorry I didn't put any of the references after the proverbs, maybe I will come back and edit this post with all the references at a later time. but right now... i'm too lazy and want to go to bed. :-)

am I the center of my life?

I'm sitting here on my futon, absorbing my daily dose of news from The New York Times. My room smells of lemon-lavender. The space heater is humming as it oscillates and warms my room. I am nice and toasty. It is cold and uncomfortable outside. This is when I just love being in my room.

"The conflict in Darfur began when black African rebels took up arms in early 2003, accusing the government of neglect. Khartoum responded by arming and financing Arab militias who conducted a campaign of violence against civilians that the United Nations has called ethnic cleansing and the Bush administration has called genocide."

You can read more about Darfur here.

As I read this, in one of the many articles in today's New York Times about Darfur, it hit me that when this conflict began, I was in my freshman year of high school. Now I am a freshman in college. In 2003, I was worried about a number of things being a 14 year old girl... like what I was going to wear that day to school to make people like me more, whether or not I was going to choke giving my speech in my speech class where I met my first real high school boyfriend, and if I was going to be good enough to play soccer on the Valley soccer team with all these other girls who played Select all their lives, unlike me. See, I was a very preoccupied girl. I had lots on my mind, didn't I? I remember being very obsessed with what other people thought of me. I was learning that my behavior and choices could either make or break my reputation. I was mad I wasn't in the popular crowd, I was sad that I had to be in the hospital for 3 days because of kidney stones, I was scared to be myself around almost everyone at school, I was proud of my 4.0 at the end of the year, and..... I was completely oblivious to affairs having to do with anything or anyone other than myself.

It's true. I didn't know anything about Darfur then. I barely do now, but I at least have some knowledge about what's going on.

I guess I am just a little astounded that 4 years ago all of these problems started in Africa, and I was concentrated on... my problems. Not that it's bad to deal with the stuff that's going on in your own life, but, I just feel like that's ALL I did. And, some of the things that happened in 9th grade were kinda big deals, like my hospitalization, but... most of them were not. Most things were just stupid. But that is to be expected when you're 14, is it not? well I'm 18 now, and I just think that if I'm still acting the same way I did when I was 14, something needs to change. I definitely pay attention to world affairs more, I mean heck, I'm going to minor in Political Science and I'm currently taking a class in International Politics. A lot of the time, we spend the class period discussing current events like things having to do with Iraq, Iran, North Korea, Darfur, and Hezbollah. Anyway, so I don't think I still have the perspective of a 14 year old, but I think there are still days that go by where all I do is think of myself.

When I read about these things in the news, I guess I just realize how important it is to open your eyes. But, I don't know... I think caution is necessary too. Like, for example... it's good to not be sheltered and naive... if I'm hanging out with people and some of them or most of them are going to start drinking, I can stay and hang out with them and still not drink, but if I know that it is really hard for me to say no and I feel tempted very easily, then I should probably leave. I would exert caution in a situation like that, it's necessary. Otherwise, I could end up making a bad choice because I didn't remove myself from a tempting situation. I have to KNOW that going into it though. You have to think about those things before you just dive in. I think it's kind of a spiritual maturity issue. Jesus hung out with prostitutes and drunkards, didn't he? Yeah, true, but that's not an excuse for us to do the same and then use it to justify our sins when we fall into temptation.

So, basically... I think it's important to open your eyes to what's going on in our world. Read the newspaper, watch the news on tv, listen to the radio, whatever you do to get your news. BUt just do something. How can we pray for all the nations of the world when we don't even know what's going on in them? I think the deeper we understand the conflicts and problems of countries like Sudan and Chad, the more we can spread our knowledge to others and help to further the love of Christ. Maybe by knowing of these things, people will be spurred on to be missionaries in some of these places, maybe we can start a revolution. I know I want to go to China someday. I really, really do. and I felt it in my heart when I was at Salt one night, when they had a bunch of people talking about their experiences going to places in East Asia and such. so maybe that will turn into something, maybe it will bring more opportunities, i don't know. I think if you truly seek to spread the love of Christ to all ends of the earth, God will get you there. He's in control.

Just a few things on my mind today. Erin and I are going to play some soccer at the Lied rec center in a little bit, YAY! :-)

THIS is the life...

oh my. so, i had another amazing weekend with my friends and family!

Friday night, most of "the crew" (kayla, mitch, bry, james, matt, zeb, aubs, caely), came to Ames... plus those of us already in Ames (Austin, Zach, Cort, Tim, JR, Mike, me), and so we spent many hours together doing lots of fun things. Let's see... we went to Old Chicago for pizza, chilled at the hookah bar, walked around campustown, made a pit stop at kum n go, enjoyed some chips & salsa while we hung out in zach & mike's room, visited andy & austin's dorm, ran in the freezing cold + rain away from a scary man who wanted caely, aubrey and me to "come with him", watched the movie Tommy Boy with everybody in zach & mike's, and aubs and cae slept the night in mahh roooom! basically, it was a grrrreat night.

Saturday, after Caely and Aubrey left to go back home, I spent the afternoon with the fam, well, my momma and my sista. We had lunch together at the udcc, had delicious coffee at Santa Fe, and then froze our butts off at the ISU vs. Texas Tech football game! It was fantastic! in a cold...sort of way! haha. We had a blast, and like I told them, there's no one else I'd rather freeze all afternoon with than them. We lost, obviously, but we had some quality time together and I loved it. After the game, my mom and I went back to West Des Moines for the rest of the weekend. yay! That night was the best night ever. After ATA's show in Winterset, everyone met at James' house at 10 to celebrate his birthdayyyy. There were so many people there, it was a ton of fun seeing everyone! We ate cheesecake and talked a while sitting in James' kitchen, then moved the party downstairs for the rest of the evening. They put a movie on, but I didn't feel like watching a movie at ALL. Haha, ok so some very funny things happened throughout the night. First off, Zach is crazy. He not only did his monkey impression, but he became a sphinx and it made lindsey, kayla and i crack up for like an hour or something! I found out Caely is amazing at ping pong, she even beats her gym teachers! hahaha. Luke, on the other hand, is not. heh heh. Ummm.. oh yeah! Zach and I found out we are pretty much the equivalent of a brother-sister relationship without that whole biological factor...thanks to Aubrey, and, well, ourselves. We fight and bicker and pick on each other (him verbally, me nonverbally), but... according to Aubrey from her own experiences with her real bros, "yeah you do all that stuff, but you never stop loving 'em." I got all mad, and Zach got mad because I was mad, haha, and so for a good 10 minutes we stood and yelled at each other in the middle of James' basement... but then all the sudden, we were laughing, and didnt care. I dont even know, i honestly cant explain it except what Aubs said. haha, oh goodness.

Most people started to leave around midnight, but as always... James, Kayla, Zach, Mitch, and I stayed til like 2 a.m. After realizing it was absolutely freezing outside, and James decided he was too tired to stand up and went to bed, the those of us remaining drove to my house. We hottubbed and it was absolutely amazing! Soo relaxing, there was so much steam coming off our bodies haha, because it was sooo cold out but we were sooo hot from the water. Well, after about an hour, we all got out, and Kayla and I decided to have some fun in my room before we changed back into our clothes.. so we took about 30 pictures with her digital camera and i think every one of them made us crack up until we fell to the floor and rolled around. It was HILARIOUS, let me tell ya. So i think the four of us parted ways at about 3:30 a.m.! man I was tired! but those amazing times with my friends are worth not getting much sleep.

Today, I devoted a bajillion pictures that had been on my camera since August up until now, ate some Panera, and hung out at home with the fam. I even got to see my Nana today unexpectedly! :-) Zach and I drove back here to Ames at about 4, and so i've been hanging out in my room ever since. I did some homework, had two cups of hot tea, ate a lot, taken a shower, watched tv with catherine, aaand.... now I am very tired. so now I am going to bed.

All in all, excellent weekend. :-)

Love.

lovely reunions, wonderful friends.

written thursday night--

Last weekend was AMAZING. It was a huge reunion for me and all of my friends back home. and I mean huge! It started off Friday afternoon when Zach and I drove back, went to James' and dropped off Zach's car/stuff, then the three of us went to the mall. From that point on, it was pure joy for me I think... honestly, just pure joy. i love my friends. Highlights on Friday.....

Aubs and I met up with Caely, Tim and Austin... Aubs, Caely and I proceeded inside Valley Stadium to watch the Valley-Waukee football game.....Natalie!!!!!....haha, um....cheering for my old high school team (it doesnt seem to right to say "old" yet, but might as well start), loved it!....yay football.....saw lots of familiar faces, weird yet cool.....saw Corey from K-life, freaking awesome, I really miss him!!.....got Austin's birthday present ready, then got him to come over to the stands and we sang him Happy Birthday and gave him cheesecake from the cheesecake factory!!!... he loved it!.....we crushed waukee.....5th quarter began outside Valley Church!.....reunited with all members of ATA, YAY!!!!....... had the most fantastic hug i've ever had with one named Mitch Tisl, i love him so much.....Kayla, Blake, Lindsey :-)...... lots and lots of hugs with everyone.... Brandon Barker, Travis, R-Tow and Ben Anderson......ATA played their show.......James and I made fun of all the hardcore dancing, it was hysterical.....lots of fun.... afterwards, everyone came back to my house.....food, lots of it.....massage trains.....Bry sleeping on the couch.....stayed at my house til 2 a.m., awesome.... took Aubs home, GREAT NIGHT :-).




























Saturday was very busy for me. Went shopping with my momma, saw the movie THE DEPARTED with most of the gang, and it was the most amazing move everrrrr!!!! umm..... Aubs and I went to Nobbies and I got my Halloween costume (greek goddess....duh)......quick dinner at home......then headed to Waukee!......ATA and Fileo played at the waukee community center with 3 other bands..... long, but fun......lots of cigar walks....pictures, pictures, pictures!.....Luke got me, Genya and Sarah ice cream :-).......Blake, Mitch, Zach, Kayla, Aubs and I took a trip to McDonalds, yum.......Rob......Hay, hahahha....... phone call from far away......devastation, a little bit..... i had a little breakdown but Aubs took care of me....back to friends, i decided to just let go and ENJOY my time with them......everyone drove back to James' house towards the end of the show..... Halo, lol......HOT CHOCOLATE!!!.....popcorn, yummyy!.....PING PONG.......lots of people left around 12/12:30.......Bry asleep on the floor..... haha..... James kicked the rest of us out at 1:30 a.m., but did we go home? ohh no..... Mitch, Zach, Kayla and I took a walk down James' street, but stayed outside (mind you, it was very cold that night!), just being completely RIDICULOUS and crazy in the middle of James' street until 4:30 in the freaking morning!.....it was just insane.... but, pretty much the most amazing night/morning ever! hahaha......it was GREAT... said goodbye to everyone.....





























Sunday..... Zach and I had a very exciting excursion at super target in which he left his wallet in the car on accident, so I had to pay for all of his groceries!.......then we picked up Mike and headed back here to Ames.

This week has been long, rough, tiring, and busy.

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights... I basically lived at Zach and Mike's dorm, lol, i would stay there until 1 or 1:15 a.m. and then walk home and not go to bed til either 3:30 or 2:30 haha.... i dont even know, but it has just been crazy this week. I really wanted to spend time around those guys, it helped keep my mind off of other things. Today was great, after my meeting w/ my advisor within the Greenlee School of Journalism, I watched a movie with Cort and Catherine in Cort's room over in Birch... we watched 10 THings I Hate About You, and it was fantastically funny.. haha....then Catherine left around 6:30, and the next 2 hours Cort and I just hung out in his room. he played guitar and sang, i drew, we were on our computers, we watched a little of Parental Control on mtv which was absolutely ridiculous.... oh gosh, it was just fun. I love my brothaa Cort! Then Austin picked me up and we went to SALT together! i didnt feel like going... because the freezing cold weather makes me lazy and apathetic.... but, I went... and I'm so glad i did... Paul, the youth pastor there, gave a really good talk on sexuality immorality. no joke, it was very good. I saw lots of great people that I'm slowly getting to know from Salt, like Aidan and Nick, so thats exciting.

anyway. its time for me to go to bed, darn it! I have to wake up early tomorrow and drive back to Des Moines with my sis to attend my Grandpa's funeral. it is very bittersweet. i cant wait to see all my cousins/uncles/aunts, especially Uncle Clair, Aunt Sue and my SAWEEEETT cousin Brandon from Florida! i havent seen them in forever! it will be very sad and probably a little depressing just doing the whole funeral thing, but very happy at the same time. it will be ok. we have each other, family is family, and you have to stick together in these times. then i will be home for the remainder of the weekend. the end.

long blog. GOODNIGHT. <3

it's a bittersweet symphony, this life.

Two very "big" things happened this past weekend, and both have affected me immensely. Sometimes I think I just sit there and stare out at empty space in front of me, and I don't even realize it. In a way, emptiness comes from lacking something that you've either had and lost, or have never had but always wanted or needed. I think in my case with these two "big" things, both explanations are present... well, basically.

My grandpa is dying, and I have a feeling he will pass away this week. He's been holding on forever it seems, at the ripe old age of 90. Unlike my grandpa on my dad's side of the family, who did not remember me the last time I saw him before he died, my grandpa on my mom's side of the family, the one who is dying right now, is someone with whom I actually have memories. Maybe it is because of that fact, that when he does pass on (to be with our Father in heaven, praise God), I will have lost someone whom I love very, very much and will be very, very sad. Maybe that's why I seem kind of sad now even, because I know it's going to happen.

The other thing is hard to understand for most people, but oh well. Who else can say they've been in love with someone they met on a cruise ship their freshman year of high school and who happens to live 1200 miles away? Furthermore, who else can say they traveled to see this person on two seperate week-long occasions and stayed with their family, and that person also traveled to see me... all in the span of the past 3, almost 4 years. You mean you've only technically been in the presence of this person for approximately 30 days out of those 4 years? Yep. And you loved them with all of your heart and thought you were going to marry them? Yep.

But i'm learning that I don't choose the course of my life, it has already been chosen and laid out before me to follow, all I have to do is... follow. So I think I am. The past week was a rollercoaster. let's just say the Holy Spirit was not silent, oh no. and it hurts to understand the heaviness of the situation. it hurts to think about letting go and staying here, rather than holding on and moving to be there with him. but it's the right thing. oh, and guess what? I was taken care of the entire weekend, because the friends God has put in my life to stand by my side... stood by my side. Their loving embraces and empathetic smiles make me hope for something more, instead of succombing to emptiness, which, I think happens a lot in situations like this. I don't want to be empty though. Plus, I know how to NOT be empty inside - living for Jesus Christ and following Him, I know of the joy and the unconditional love... how could I just turn from that? How can one consciously come to the decision to choose emptiness rather than hope, joy and fulfillment? Anyway, I just wonder about that sometimes...

On a different note, I got four hours of freaking sleep last night!!!!!!!!!! I am a flippin' ZOMBIE! I mean, it was nice to actually feel like a real college student, staying out til 1:15 with my friends on a school night, haha... but then I felt like a REAL, REAL college student when I suddenly remembered that I had a paper due this morning in my 9 oclock class and I had not began to write it yet.......... hahahahahha. ok. panic? heck no. i was enjoying myself. but, arriving back in my room, I got to work and finished it by 3:15 a.m.... so.... I got four hours of sleep. nice. no, not nice at all, it sucks, and i feel like crappola! lol. but oh well :-)...

I have a lot more to write about, more specifically about my weekend and how stinkin' awesome The Posse is. hey I'll do this, 'cause I know people love it when they read blogs that name off a bunch of people like it's some kind of shout out of sorts... yeah... so: Sam, Aubrey, Caely, Nat, Zach, Austin, Mitch, Kayla, Blake, Lindsey, Bryan, Luke, Mike, Alex, Danielle, James, Tim, Rob, Cort, and everybody else I spent time with this weekend......I love you. thats all. oh, and seeing some of my favorite "old" people was nice too: Brandon, Ryan, and Travis, oh and my freakin' wonderful parents... Love you too.

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
--Matthew 28:20

p.s. I got a new Bible finally, in the New King James version, it's fantastic. I'm so excited. YAY! :-)

"i'd rather run the other way than stay and see the smoke and who's still standing when it clears..."

i'm in over my head.

for once, i'd like to just be able to decide something and think about something without tapping into my feelings. anyone who knows me at all, knows that i'm a feeler. i feel a lot, and thats just how i am. i feel things deeper than others, i feel things longer than others. my feelings affect what i think to a great extent. and for once, i wish i didnt feel so easily. i wish i could just decide something based on logic, and facts, and concrete things. not abstract things, not optomistic, unrealistic dreams based on emotions and feelings.

what if i'm sick of playing it safe all the time? maybe i need to seriously consider changing around my life so that i'm not so safe and comfortable all the time. maybe it's time for me to really grow up, to be catapulted somewhere where i'm not constantly surrounded by known and familiar things and people. but i'm so scared of the unknown, and i'm so scared of letting go. i'm scared of giving up my comfort to gain something else, no matter how great the gain. i cant decipher my path, my brain cant wrap itself around the mysteries of life. i need God, my Father in heaven to guide me and show me the way. if nothing else, i pray He would make my path straight and clear, and that He would make it known to me. because I'm just wandering around aimlessly, confused, when I try to decide myself what i'm supposed to do and where i'm supposed to go and which path is my own.

maybe right now, all i'm doing is doing what everyone else thinks i'm supposed to do. and honestly, i couldnt tell you what *I* think about what I should do and where I should go. *I* dont even know where to begin. I follow my heart and my head follows, trying to come up with reasonable excuses and explanations for my actions. I need direction and I need affirmation, I need a committment before I completely change the course of my path... i need a promise. will it be given to me?

i cant put blind trust in someone if i'm making such big changes in my life, that affect my entire future. but what if thats the problem? i cant, but, maybe i can? or maybe im just supposed to try.

i'm lost.

Sisterly Love and Fall...

I love my sister Erin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we walked around campus this afternoon and took pics together. it was gorgeous out. we had so much fun!!! I love FALL!

We ended our time together with delicious smoothies. :-)

I can do the Merengue!

Random:

my dream car once i have lots of money and can buy my own car: an Acura TL, or, an Acura TSX.

I am obsessed with Jesse McCartney's song, "Right Where You Want Me." I have it on repeat right now. P.S. Jesse McCartney is a good lookin' fellow.

I did horrible on my first midterm, which happened to be in the worst class I'm taking which I hate with everything that is in me-- Geology 100. Kill me, please. I got a D. (I don't get D's.......ever). I guess I can't say that anymore though, huh?

I want to go to China on a mission trip. I guess Jon Kalvig (new college ministry guy at valley church), is going sometime and has been there before. so I think I'll just go with him... haha.

I also want to go back to Belize!!!!!!!!!! seriously it's my life goal to go back there someday.

---------------------------

ok, no more random stuff. the past few days have been pretty great. well, starting with last friday night... funny story, I was watching tv in my room and I guess I just fell asleep on the futon at like 5 pm, and... didnt wake up until 10 pm! ahh! a friday night! i totally missed dinner too. so i woke myself up, had a cup of tea, tried to keep myself up, then gave in and went to bed by 11:30 haha. i am so not the party animal i thought i would be. in fact, i haven't been to one party since i've moved to college. this can be seen as good, or bad, i choose to see it as neutral and just move on from that fact, lol.

Saturday morning I met up with my fellow Hixson scholars outside the Memorial Union at 9:30 a.m., we loaded up in our vans with our recitation groups (there are about 10 of us and we have 2 leaders, one is a sophomore and one is a junior and they were also Hixson scholars). I was still waking up, and i felt a little uncomfortable being packed into a van with my group, whom I still didnt know very well at this point. but, seize the day i suppose, eh? I was going to be spending 9 hours with them that day at Camp Hannesa (sp?), so might as well make friends and have a good time. So, that's what I did! We did a ton of stuff. let's see here.... learned how to play flippy cup with a root beer keg (it was hilarious), and had a big competition between all of the groups (there are 8 groups in all). The whole time we were in the main dining center of the camp, they had sweet tunes blaring, all the stuff you hear on the radio these days from Chamillionaire to... I dont know, just everything haha, rap, hip hop, it was great, helped make it seem more like a party than a required activity for school. Then we did a bunch of funny "individual" events, like chubby bunny (one guy fit 24 or 25 marshmallows in his mouth... holy cow...), and being blindfolded and finding a piece of bubble gum amidst whipped cream, starbursts and other candies in a pie tin then being the first one to blow a bubble. very entertaining. we did outside things too, like tug of war, which I hated. haha. then the most ridiculous game ever, where one person wraps pantyhose around their forehead and inside the pantyhose is an egg, so the egg hangs down right in front of your forehead pretty much. then one person sits on their shoulders and has a rolled up newspaper... object of the game? run around and the person sitting on the other person's shoulders tries to break other people's eggs by hitting everyone else in the face as hard as they can.. ahahahahhahaa. it was AWESOME. one of our guys, Josh, who is pretty big and strong, was our egg guy, and I sat on his shoulders and held on for dear life and swung as hard as i could and hit people in the face... lol, it was hysterical. AND, we ended up getting 2nd place, it was down to me and another girl on this other guy's shoulders...and she got Josh's egg to break completely right before I got the other guy's to break. so yeah, it was SWEET. definitely raised the morale of my team, haha, because we had sucked at all the other games. We did a bunch of other fun games back inside... we played "skin the snake" which was awkward and fun, lol, and our team rocked at it. we also did the games where you have to pass the orange from person to person with your chin/neck, so you look like youre making out with that person... it was great. haha. we also had to pass a cucumber with our knees, and pass a stick of celery with our elbows. it was extremely hard and entertaining, mostly the orange, but yeah, good times. we all felt a little closer after that... haha. umm, what else... oh, this boring one where we had a bunch of shapes taped on the floor, and we had to fit our entire group into the shape without touching outside of the lines... it was really easy once we got a good strategy. then we had some free time, so I played volleyball with a bunch of people and that was fun.

THEN... the best part of the day! They had a professional dance teacher come in and teach anyone who wanted to, to learn how to dance the merengue (sp)!!! it was AMAZING! my friend Brittany and I partnered up b/c we didnt want to be with any of the guys haha, and we were both really good at it so it worked so well and we had a BLAST. the teacher said we should have been teaching the class... lol. i was so excited when we finally put all the steps together and could do it to the music for a long time and just have fun! it was fantastic. THEN, they had 2 people come in and teach us how to swing dance... and there are many different types of swing dancing, so this kind was East Coast swing dancing! it was freaking cool. haha and the teachers made the "leads" switch partner every now and then, so I got to dance with a bunch of guys... lol... some cute, some extreeemely cute. some were awful dancers, but a few were fantastic! so it was fun. and i got to dance with one of my leaders, Jesse, haha, and it was super fun :-). the best part of the dances is the dipping part, its so cool, and looks so freaking sweet. so I now know how to merengue and do east coast swing! it was SO MUCH FUN, and the rest of the night we couldnt stop dancing so we had dance parties during dinner, haha. My team won the scavenger hunt, so we won a free ice cream partyyyy... yay! after dinner, we all had clean-up duties, so my group sweeped the entire dining room floor, then we headed home to ISU. overall, it was a fantastic day. I got a lot closer to my group especially, and a few people in particular, which is really exciting for me because I need new friends here! haha.

I got back to my room around 7:15 that night, then my mom picked me up and brought me home to West Des Moines. I showered, then relaxed and hung out with my parents until Aubrey came over. Aubs and I hottubbed and talked for two hours, until like 12:30. it was WONDERFUL. one of the best conversations i've ever had with someone I think... I don't know why, but Aubrey and I have a way of ending up talking about really deep, spiritual things and they are just amazing talks. Sunday morning I woke up at 10, worked on homework for a few hours, then showered. THEN..... surprise! SAM came over!!! so I got to sit with her and talk for an hour and catch up on things... it was simply fantastic. then I got my things ready, and headed back here to ISU. I spent most my evening NOT doing any homework that i should have been doing, haha, and talking to Adam, Zach, and Aubrey for a long time. it was great. love them.

Today was a good day. it just was :-). Except for the fact that my cough is WORSE and at night I basically cant stop coughing for a really long time, and i wake up throughout the night because i have to cough... :-(. it sucks, not gonna lie. Tonight was wonderful! Erin, Catherine and I drove to Blinks coffeehouse to hang out and eat dinner with Brandon Barker, Jon Kalvig, Heather, and.... JEN!!! my old small group leader/mentor, friend, and pretty much my hero!!! it was so great to see her and catch up. it made my day. brandon barker was the other part that made my day, because I just love him to death, he has got to be one of my favorite people on this earth. haha. we got a TON of FREE STUFF!!!! haha.. free stuff... is awesome. basically, I got a life-time supply of hot cocoa mix, a SWEET nalgene bottle w/ the epoch college ministry logo and a myunderground.org, silver carabeener. also, two t-shirts, the surge icamp 2005 tshirt and a tie-dyed tshirt from rosebud. i will never say no to free tshirts! i also got 3 free awesome books, i forget the titles.. but they look gooooood, and i might just read them if i ever have the time to read anything other than textbooks.. lol. OH! and i got a valley church MUG! and it's GREEN. oh my gosh, i just get so overjoyed about free stuff. I love Brandon. haha. I also actually talked to Jon Kalvig this time and he is such a cool guy, I can't wait to get to know him better as my college ministry leader! and obviously I'm going to China with him, so, yeah. :-)

I wrote this as I was taking a break from studying for my poli. sci. 251 midterm... which is tomorrow at 9:30 a.m.! now i have to get back to studying, because i will be extremely upset if I don't do well on this test. like... extremely, extremely. the stuff is just so complex and all these terms like realism, liberalism, neorealism, neoliberalism, contructivists, postpositivism, empiricists......ahhhh!!!! and thats just a fraction of one chapter, and i believe this test covers 4 or 5 chapters. yeah. good stuff. i dont know, i just hope i can pull myself together for this, because i need to do well on something or i think i will just drop out of college... lol, ok, no I won't, but... grrr. i've felt kind of discouraged lately in school. :-( anyway, back to studying I go!

Love.

p.s. still listening to Jesse McCartney!

if i were feeling bold

Basically... I should just send this in a letter to him and label it 'from me to you.'


I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless
As you turn around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep
That even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything
Would be like it was before
But nights like this
It seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever want to leave
Maybe you could not believe it

That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go.
--Lifehouse

<3

flu season is coming... this is just the beginning.

i think i'm coming down with a real cold now... like i've been sort of sick for the past few weeks, first from my horrible allergies, then they got better but i got a cough... and now, i am feverish, then get chills, my head hurts, and my body aches. plus, my cough is worse. so! in conclusion, i think i have a cold, or, i'm on the brink of getting one.

tonight i went to my first club meeting for Painters Anonymous, in the college of design. it was a nice walk over there, around 8 oclock. not too freezing, but cold enough to kind of clear your head and your lungs. anyway, i'm really excited about this club! we have a few things planned for the next couple months... we have a show/exhibit opportunity at the Stomping Grounds coffee place here on campus, a workshop on scenic murals in a couple weeks and i think helping paint the set for the upcoming musical/play or something at the theater, a day of painting at reimen gardens, and then at the beginning of October we have a psychology speaker come talk to us about visual perception and how the brain works in relation to the arts and stuff. sounds really, really cool. i am glad i am getting plugged into this group! yayyy.

Aubrey and I talked on the phone tonight, finally!!!!!! it made me so happy to catch up with her! i miss her so much and can't wait to see her on Saturday.

In other news... the art director from Insight Magazine (the magazine that is paying me and publishing a nonfiction piece i wrote about my experiences with kidney stones and how my faith transformed my life and helped me overcome the hardships that come with the disease), called me yesterday and told me he wanted a picture of me to go with the story, so he asked if i either had friends who are good with photography who could take a photo of me, or he would hire someone out here to come to me and do it. haha.. so i quickly told him that i have some friends who are definitely photography people who could do it for me. so, anyway, then he was like explaining what pose and what his vision was for the picture- me sitting by the window in my dorm, with like my Bible in my hands, and just sort of looking out the window like i'm reflecting.. haha, yeah. and he was explaining every little detail about it.. like what to wear and what not to wear haha (no spaghetti straps and "immodest" clothing, not a problem!), and to keep my makeup "natural"... lol, i dont know, i was listening to him and i just still couldnt get it through my head that something i wrote is going to be in a teen christian magazine, and i mean.. it's basically my testimony. so... yeah, i'm just really, really pumped! I'm going to have miss Jamie Letourneau take the photograph, and she will get her name credited in the magazine, so thats pretty cool too. :-)

I really miss my Pledge group from last year. That was the highlight of my week my senior year... well besides Crew! ahhh. I miss it!! :-(

I'm gonna go to bed early now... i feel like... crap.... haha.

Love.

I'm an ENFP!

Today in my Hixson scholar seminar, we actually talked about something that was interesting and cool. Very exciting, I know. So, right, we filled out this worksheet- "Verifying Your Type Preferences," so we had to mark where on a line we think we fit when it comes to the following four categories (based on descriptions given to us about each):

1. Extraversion (E) vs. Introversion (I)
2. Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N)
3. Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)
4. Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)

So from that, I ended up being the type ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perceiving). There are 16 types in all, and I will not be naming them all, haha, but yes there are 16 different combinations!

Then, we were each handed a report from this thing we had filled out a couple weeks ago, called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Instrument. It's supposed to be a very accurate indicator of our psychological type, not perfect, but accurate. The report ALSO indicated that I am the ENFP type! it was just weird to me that both times I turned out the same, so I guess I must know myself pretty well if I answered the same way for each exercise. Anyway, this report gave us an in-depth description of our psychological type. I read the back sheet of the packet that summarized everything about the ENFP type, and it completely amazed me as I read it because it was like I was reading something describing Emily Joann Ryan Sexton, not just some type, but... they freaking described who I am, like it's an exact fit. It was just crazy! so I thought it was so cool, I'm gonna post it here--

At Their Best-
For people w/ ENFP preferences, life is a creative adventure full of exciting possibilities. ENFPs are keenly perceptive about people and insightful about the present and future. They experience a wide range of feelings and intense emotions (so, so, so true). They need affirmation from others and readily give appreciation and support.
ENFPs are good at understanding how people and groups work and are persuasive and compelling in pursuing what is important to them. They are adaptable, blooming where they are planted. Their energy and enthusiasm encourage others to bloom as well.

Characteristics of ENFPs:
ENFPs are innovators, initiating projects and directing great energy into getting them under way. Using intution primarily externally, they are stimulated by new people, ideas, & experiences. They find meaning and significance readily and see connections that others don't. They are likely to be

• curious, creative, and imaginative
• energetic, enthusiastic, and spontaneous

ENFPs value harmony & goodwill. They like to please others and will adapt to others' needs and wishes when possible (oh gosh, BIG people-pleaser right here...). ENFPs primarily use feeling internally, making decisions by applying personal values through identification & empathy with others. ENFPs are likely to be

• warm, friendly, and caring
• cooperative and supportive

ENFPs have exceptional insight into possibilities in others and the energy and motivation to help actualize them. They feel confident moving ahead based on their insights, and their enthusiasm tends to bring others along with them.

How Others May See Them-
ENFPs are usually lively, gregarious, and sociable, with a large circle of friends (ok, check, check, check, aaand check). They are interested in almost everything and bring a zest to life that draws others to them. At the same time, they value depth and authenticity in their close relationships and direct great energy to creating and supporting open and honest communication (this is me for sure!).
ENFPs hate routine, schedules, and structure and usually manage to avoid them (hahaha..yeah). They are normally verbally fluent, even in extemporaneous situations; however, when their deepest values need expression, they may suddenly be awkward and express their judgments with uncharacteristic intensity. Others usually see ENFPs as

• personable, perceptive, and persuasive
• enthusiastic, spontaneous, and versatile
• giving and seeking affirmation

Potential Areas for Growth-
Sometimes life circumstances have not supported ENFPs in the development and expression of their feeling and intuitive preferences.

1. if they haven't developed their Feeling, they may go from enthusiasm to enthusiasm, never committing the energy necessary to actualize their insights, or they may make overly personal decisions (mmhmm..).
2. if they haven't developed their Intuition, they may fail to take in enough information, lack trust in their own insights, be uncertain, and accept others' perceptions too quickly.

If ENFPs don't find a place where they can use their gifts and be appreciated for their contributions, they usually feel frustrated (incredibly true), and may

• become scattered, have trouble focusing, be easily distracted
• fail to follow through on decisions
• become rebellious, excessively nonconforming (hmm yeah that's NEVER happened before... ;-) haha).
• ignore deadlines and procedures

It is natural for ENFPs to give less attention to their non-preferred Sensing and Thinking parts. If they neglect these too much, however, they may

• not take care of the details and routine required for implementing their inspirations
• overextend themselves--have trouble saying no to interesting possibilities and people
• fail to apply reason and logic to assess their inspirations and decisions (uh huh, yup).

Under great stress, ENFPs may become overwhelmed by detail and lose their normal perspective and sense of options. Then they tend to focus on an unimportant or distorted detail, letting it become the central fact of their universe.

Another summary of ENFPs:
Warmly enthusiastic planners of change; imaginative, individualistic; pursue inspiration with impulsive energy (OH YEAH!); seek to understand and inspire others. With extraverted intuition as the strongest mental process, they are at their best when caught in the enthusiasm of a project, sparking others to see its benefits. They value:

• the surge of inspirations; the pull of emerging possibilities
• a life of variety, people, warm relationships
• following their insights wherever they lead
• finding meanings behind the facts (oh yes!)
• creativity, originality, a fresh perspective
• an optomistic, positive, enthusiastic view of life (thaaaat's me!!)
• flexibility and openness
• exploring, devising and trying out new things
• open-ended opportunities and options
• freedom from the requirement of being practical (haha, yeah...)
• learning through action, variety, and discovery
• a belief that any obstacles can be overcome (it's only like my life motto..)
• a focus on people's potentials
• brainstorming to solve problems
• work made light and playful by inspiration

-----------------------------------------------

Pretty cool, huh? I thought so. That's me!!! I was creeped out by how incredibly exact these descriptions are of how I learn, what I value, etc. Yeah, so, pretty freakin' sweet! That's all I've got. Love.

"...and i, i am not into... the idea, of being without you!"

--the rocket summer.

I have an urge to post lots of pictures... I don't know why.
Here are a few (ok, more than just a few), people whom I miss... a lot:

I love you.
I miss you.
The end.

HE is everywhere.

This afternoon, I had to walk over to Ross Hall to turn in my Visual Analysis Essay on a magazine ad. On the walk back, I was overtaken by the beauty of the Iowa State campus. So, I plopped down in the middle of central campus in the shade of a lovely tree, listened to my ipod, and wrote a little in my moleskin. Lately I have just been journaling in my green notebook (my birthday present from the beautiful Sam Carlson), but since I don't usually take it with me everywhere I go like my moleskin, I wrote in it instead. This is what I wrote...

As I am sitting here in a sea of soft, green grass, underneath the gracious canopy of a monstrous tree with many limbs and trunks weaving every which way... I am thinking about the beauty of this place. I'm thinking about the magnificent creation above me, underneath me, and all around me. God is here, in this place, with me. He is in the grass and He is in the soil, He is in the swaying branches all the way to the tips of the leaves. He is everywhere-- in the lovely breeze, the pockets of clouds in the tranquil sky. I sense His love here. I don't just FEEL it, I sense it- meaning, in every way possible... I see it, hear it, smell it... because His love is in every blade of grass I am laying on, it's in every gust of wind that blows the smell of change to my nose. His love and His majesty are just everywhere!

He frees me.
Being around His glorious creation just frees my spirit.
I'm flying now.
My soul is soaring free!

The feeling is much like me laying here now, with my shoes off... feeling the ground with my barefeet and the cool grass inbetween my toes. It's just so liberating!

Thank you, Father. :-)

Glorious, just glorious!

WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY TO PLAY SOCCER!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh! the weather was absolutely perfect for practice tonight. Nice, crisp, clean, cool air... cloudy, no sun in my eyes... cleaned my lungs out real good, and i didn't feel like fainting from heat stroke!! NICE!!! Oh, it was just splendid tonight! I was feeling so joyful and jubilant inside. Plus, one of the girls on the team brought her 3-month old PUPPY (border collie mix... CUUUUTE!), and she was chained up to a tree by all of our stuff during practice, so every time we took a water break we got to play with her... puppies make me sooo happy, 'cause they are just so DARN cute and playful! It made me miss my dogs a little bit, but it wasn't too bad. Anyway, tonight I played GREAT... I was really feelin' it tonight, for some reason... everything just seemed to come together. the ball was going where I wanted it to go, I wasn't dying in the middle of practice, my team won every game we played, and I had some really, really, really excellent crosses and looks that the other forward, my friend Kim, almost scored on. I just can't wait to prove ourselves in a real game next week! I am learning the things I really need to work on, like really polishing off some nice combinations to score, squaring the ball to get a goal between me and Kim when we are up at forward, taking advantage of space when I can call "line" and get either a run, a give 'n' go, or a cross/switch. weeeeeeeeeeee!!! i'm just excited. ball skills are definitely improving a ton, and my coach Rafael (Raf for short) is really working us on "ready feet" and always being on the tips of our toes and checking for the ball, not waiting and standing back. Tonight's big scrimmage game was all about pressuring the other team... and I was really proud of how well my team and I were doing that. Every time an opponent had possession, someone was ON that person like *THAT*! hahah (imagine me saying that and snapping my fingers when I come to the "THAT" part). yep. so yeah, pressure was excellent tonight... I hope we can do that in the game... really kick some butt. yeah!!! :-) All in all, tonight was SWEET!!!!!!!!!

Here are some random facts about me that no one needs to know:

1. I only shower in the second stall from the left! I have yet to go in to take a shower and find it already taken... so it's basically MY shower stall, mmkay?
2. I have claimed the third sink in on the right (window) side of the bathroom as mine... when I go to wash my face/brush my teeth at night and in the morning, I only go to that sink.
sidenote: if somebody happens to be using my sink... I will indeed wait to use it, forget the other 7 sinks! psh!
3. we have been talking about the ancient Islam community in my poli. sci. 251 class, and I am finding it A.) very confusing, and B.) very intriguing.
4. Tonight at practice, I got hit a fair few times (ok... like, 10) right in my gut with the dang soccer ball... usually from having it thrown in and me trying to turn with it and stuff during our warm-up drill involving (you guessed it) thrown-ins and turns! so yeah... i got smacked right in the gut a bunch of times, and not gonna lie... I sort of feel sick now.. haha. and like every time i tighten or harden my abdominal region, my entire insides like shudder and tremble a bit... it's odd.......
5. If you ask my opinion, I think that the British and the French were basically asking Germany to one day come back and stage their revenge on them for imposing such harsh peace conditions on Germany in the Treaty of Versailles that ended WWI. Germany was already devastated as a country and politically as well from the Great War, and now having to basically pay back everyone in reparations and having such harsh conditions in the Treaty, I mean... of COURSE when an influential totalitarian leader came along (Hitler), it would be stupid not to think that Germany was planning to take revenge on the world that basically promised their country into a life of poverty, an economic depression, and despair. Maybe the Brits and the French should not have rejected practically all of Wilson's Fourteen Points, eh?? I don't know. maybe WWII was inevitable, maybe not. I think there's a direct link from WWI to the beginning of WWII, and obviously there were so many other things that led to Pearl Harbor and everything like that.... but yeah, that's what I think. I just wanted to get that out there, and it's not very put-together, but that's my opinion. haha. don't yell at me, I just think it was kind of like... well DUH!! about Germany coming back even stronger and building such an intense war machine like they did for WWII... I don't know... whatev. Seems clear to us now, but I guess back then we didn't have the knowledge we do now?? meh. I dont knowwww.

6. I have to go write my rough draft now... the whole thing... right nowww!

This guy (middle) leaves tomorrow to begin his training to enter the U.S. Navy. Pray for him as he takes a huge step toward the unknown!!! I love you, Derek... you will be missed!

Adieu! <3

Happy Birthday, Bryan Daniel Wentworth!

ok well, times are still kind of hard right now, um, in the sense that... I've got a lot going on... like emotionally, psychologically, and physically too. but, a had a nice weekend at home again. this time, i didn't go home just for the sake of me wanting to go home because i miss it, i went home to see my boys play a show in waukee on saturday night. so i went to that and just had a really good time seeing everyone... like Sam, Cort, obviously the ATA guys, James, Kayla, Lindsey, and many other fantastic people that I love. I had the opportunity to spend some time talking to two of my favorite parents in the whole world (besides my own)-- Dan and Ruth Wentworth. I just love them to death!!! I loved watching the guys play, as always, but it was great this time because it had been quite a while since the last show I saw. I feel as if this was show number 50 or something.. haha.. nah, they haven't played that many shows, but it sure feels like I've seen a bunch. and I love it every time.

After the show, everyone went back to the Wentworth's house and we celebrated Bry's 18th birthday like one big family! Bry blew out the candles on his cheesecake after we sang a lovely rendition of "happy birthday" to him. haha. it was wonderful. we turned some tuneskies on and it was just a party, lots of fun. I definitely spent some quality time with Luke, and I even got to spend some time with Kayla's brother Blake, who I found to be a really awesome person... we even shared our FIRST hug!! haha. I don't know about anybody else, but like when I meet someone and have like that first time of actual "hanging out" with them, and then you say goodbye and part ways... and you get to that awkward moment where you are about to hug, but you've never hugged before so you're wondering what it's going to be like..... haha, so yeah I always say something about it to take away the awkwardness of the situation. like, hey we can have our first hug! yay!! lol. thankfully, it was a great hug. i dont know what i would have done if it was just a really sucky hug.... probably make him try again or something, yeah.. pretty much. :-)

this morning, as in Sunday morning... I played hookie and did not attend church. I slept in for the first time in a LONGGG TIME! I never get to sleep in during the week because I always have 9 oclock class... and then Saturday I had to wake up early for an event for my Hixson scholarship, so I definitely took advantage of Sunday morning and slept in until noon. It was absolutely superb. YES. superb. My mom played hookie too so we layed around together with my dogs and enjoyed the lazy afternoon. such a gloomy day today... with the constant rain and everything. I finished my political science homework, this week we are diving in to theories about World War I, aka the Great War... so I am excited! Not as excited as I would be if we were at the point of discussing World War II, but excited nonetheless, that's for sure.

Zach came over around 5:15 and we sat in my basement for a half an hour and chilled and talked until we left to come back to Ames. haha, he made me feel bad for being lazy... but at least I didnt lose my cell phone, lose my ISU card, OR forget my car keys like he did all in the course of last week. haha. oh, Zach... I still love you.

I feel a lot of appreciation for my friends right now... just appreciation for how they make me feel, and that they love me, and that their presences just lift me up right when I need to be lifted up the most. They really are gifts from God, my heavenly Father who loves me so much. What a great thing to know... that I am loved.

I get to sleep in tomorrow because I don't have my Engl. 105 class all this week... basically because my professor is sweeeeeet! so my first class is at 11, and it's my JLMC 101 lecture class... which I pretty much love. ok. I'm pumped. goodnight <3