My grandpa is dying, and I have a feeling he will pass away this week. He's been holding on forever it seems, at the ripe old age of 90. Unlike my grandpa on my dad's side of the family, who did not remember me the last time I saw him before he died, my grandpa on my mom's side of the family, the one who is dying right now, is someone with whom I actually have memories. Maybe it is because of that fact, that when he does pass on (to be with our Father in heaven, praise God), I will have lost someone whom I love very, very much and will be very, very sad. Maybe that's why I seem kind of sad now even, because I know it's going to happen.
The other thing is hard to understand for most people, but oh well. Who else can say they've been in love with someone they met on a cruise ship their freshman year of high school and who happens to live 1200 miles away? Furthermore, who else can say they traveled to see this person on two seperate week-long occasions and stayed with their family, and that person also traveled to see me... all in the span of the past 3, almost 4 years. You mean you've only technically been in the presence of this person for approximately 30 days out of those 4 years? Yep. And you loved them with all of your heart and thought you were going to marry them? Yep.
But i'm learning that I don't choose the course of my life, it has already been chosen and laid out before me to follow, all I have to do is... follow. So I think I am. The past week was a rollercoaster. let's just say the Holy Spirit was not silent, oh no. and it hurts to understand the heaviness of the situation. it hurts to think about letting go and staying here, rather than holding on and moving to be there with him. but it's the right thing. oh, and guess what? I was taken care of the entire weekend, because the friends God has put in my life to stand by my side... stood by my side. Their loving embraces and empathetic smiles make me hope for something more, instead of succombing to emptiness, which, I think happens a lot in situations like this. I don't want to be empty though. Plus, I know how to NOT be empty inside - living for Jesus Christ and following Him, I know of the joy and the unconditional love... how could I just turn from that? How can one consciously come to the decision to choose emptiness rather than hope, joy and fulfillment? Anyway, I just wonder about that sometimes...
On a different note, I got four hours of freaking sleep last night!!!!!!!!!! I am a flippin' ZOMBIE! I mean, it was nice to actually feel like a real college student, staying out til 1:15 with my friends on a school night, haha... but then I felt like a REAL, REAL college student when I suddenly remembered that I had a paper due this morning in my 9 oclock class and I had not began to write it yet.......... hahahahahha. ok. panic? heck no. i was enjoying myself. but, arriving back in my room, I got to work and finished it by 3:15 a.m.... so.... I got four hours of sleep. nice. no, not nice at all, it sucks, and i feel like crappola! lol. but oh well :-)...
I have a lot more to write about, more specifically about my weekend and how stinkin' awesome The Posse is. hey I'll do this, 'cause I know people love it when they read blogs that name off a bunch of people like it's some kind of shout out of sorts... yeah... so: Sam, Aubrey, Caely, Nat, Zach, Austin, Mitch, Kayla, Blake, Lindsey, Bryan, Luke, Mike, Alex, Danielle, James, Tim, Rob, Cort, and everybody else I spent time with this weekend......I love you. thats all. oh, and seeing some of my favorite "old" people was nice too: Brandon, Ryan, and Travis, oh and my freakin' wonderful parents... Love you too.
"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
--Matthew 28:20p.s. I got a new Bible finally, in the New King James version, it's fantastic. I'm so excited. YAY! :-)
1 comment:
you've GOT to get an ESV bible.
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