"so unable to speak... oh, how you make me weak"

Ok so here's a quick update on my life......and random stuff.

working at Express is great. I have had so much fun getting to know the people I work with, and they are all older than me and somehow I've always gotten along with people who are older than me very easily, so it's awesome. It kind of stinks though that they hired too many new people, because now I don't get very many hours in a week... and I want lots of hours because I need money and I need to be busy.

Life is pretty stressful right now, despite all the good things that have happened lately and despite how many amazing people are by my side. I'm still quite stressed. I try not to be as much as possible though.

I work at Tropical Sno now with Zach and Steve and James. It's pretty awesome, not gonna lie. Aubrey and Kayla are working there too. I enjoy being able to work, make money, and be with my friends all at the same time. I'm working 48 hours or something this next week while James, Zach, and Steve are all in Cancun with their families. I'm kind of nervous, but I think everything will be fine. I'll definitely enjoy being out of this house pretty much all the time, which is my main objective this summer, to be honest.

I've been dealing with the weight of my choices lately. It's hard for me to make good decisions for some reason. I'm trying to get back on the right track though. It's a struggle though for sure. And it's not like I'm turning agnostic and gonna become a massive drinker (no and no), haha, I'm just not making the best choices I could when situations arise that require a decision with semi-serious consequences... so don't get the wrong idea or anything. My heart is still the same heart it's always been, living and loving for the same reason and purpose, no matter how many mistakes I make.

I miss hanging out with some of my friends like Sam, Caely and Natalie a ton!..... and even my sister, who (and I told her this the other day) I don't even feel like she's my sister these days. It's hard with her being gone all the time in other states and countries! But on the other hand, I've really been enjoying the summer with the rest of my friends. I'm with Aubrey practically every day, and it's one of those things where you think you're incredibly close with someone already, but every time you're with that person you somehow just keep growing closer. She's the Sonny to my Cher, or the ying to my yang, orrrr the peanut butter to my bread. you know what I mean? We just go together. And, even more so a cool thing, Zach and I have been getting along super well, and that has just made my life incredibly better.. honestly. Spending so much time at Tropical Sno while he worked has definitely helped I think, but... yeah, I don't even know what happened! but it's like all the sudden he is just nice to me all the time and so I am nice to him in return, and.... everything is great. Like now, I feel like I can finally be the friend to him that I've always wanted to be, but before there was always something that stopped it from reaching that level- either my hypersensitivity or his insensitivity, or something like that. So I'm really glad about all of that. We worked til close tonight at Trop Sno, then I bought us cigars and we sat outside the Laugerman's house and had a really good talk for about an hour.

My eyes have been opened to how much God's hands are working and molding everything around me. Everything that happens somehow leads to the point we're at right now in our lives. Everything is interconnected, everything touches everything else, everything that happens leads to other things happening and so on and so forth until you stop and realize that the pieces are all apart of one big whole thing. It's crazy, and it's beautiful, and rather confusing.... but it shows me that God is a big God and it shows me that all of this- being my life and everyone's lives around me- are apart of God's plan.. therefore.... why worry so much all the time?

Music-wise, I'm really into Maroon 5's new album, Mae, Stallions vs. Unicorns, Disney songs (well I'm always into those), popular songs on the radio like Justin Timberlake's "Summer Love", Pink's new song, Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry", aaanndddd stuff like that, as well as Carrie Underwood's AMAZING song "Before He Cheats". hehe. I just really love to sing along to songs I know, especially driving in my car, or like working at Trop Sno haha... good times, so yeah those are all songs I can sing along to so I'm really into them right now.

I bought my new moleskin journal today at Barnes & Noble... I'm really excited to start writing in it again. I also bought this really cool sketchbook so I can sit down sometimes and draw and doodle and let my creativity out... because I really haven't been doing that much lately, and it's really bothering me.

I really want all my friends to know that I love them very much. I would do anything for them. I care so much about their lives and I want to just love on them and be a good friend all the time. I know I fall short a lot of times, because I'm only human, but really I just want to do all that I can to make sure every person I care about KNOWS how deeply and how unconditionally I love them- every part of them, down to the very last detail. I love them to death and would take a bullet for any of them. That was just on my heart, so I wanted to get it out.

I'll end this long blog with this-

"I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seeeeeats... took a louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all four tires.. maybe next time he'll think before he cheeeats." -Carrie Underwood :)

<3 love.