I wrote these words cause I love you!

AHHHHHH! new favorite song!!!! get ready for a long post.

"This One Is For You" by The Wedding.

you got to get, get over yourself a little
to see the grass is green
you got to get, get over yourself a little
to see the grass is green

you make this all worthwhile
you get better by the mile
even when it tears you apart
you do your best not to show it

it's me that you can do without
but you choose to stick it out
and without you there is no doubt
i would break under the burden

just try love

and i am so self-involved
yeah i am so typical
you could call my every move now baby

but you're a mid summer's dream
yeah you are so pristine
and in the end everything you do
is just for me

just try love
why do you even bother with me
please, tell me what it is you see
just try love
why do you even bother with me

and it's the least I could do
after what we've been through
I wrote these words CAUSE I LOVE YOU
only you!

just try love.

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The art of music can have my affects. Typically, when I find myself playing a song over and over again driving in my car, getting ready in my room after I wake up, or before I go to bed at night... it has consistent components. First, it makes me feel something when I listen to it. The way this affects me is dependent upon my mood at the time I hear it. Second, it makes me think about how I relate to the lyrics of the song. Not only am I emotionally tied to the music now, but I am psychologically tied as well. Once that happens, I usually begin thinking about lots of other things that branch off of that main scope of thoughts. It's kinda crazy. Third, it makes me want to write out what the lyrics say. This is kind of unique to me because of my love for writing. I love writing things that are important to me so that they are documented. It makes me feel like they are more set in stone, more real almost, permanent. Usually this action of writing leads to other artistic intentions, I start drawing and doodling and coloring... writing out the words in funky letters, moving on from there until I am satisfied. Lastly, I write about them. and that's kind of where I'm at right now. I definitely don't fulfill all of these parts every time I discover how much I love a certain song... sometimes I can't get to the third or fourth parts, maybe because of time restraints, or other hindrances, or sometimes I just can't put into words what I want to say- very typical. hate it. but, it happens. what can you do.

This song makes me think of all my friends who surround themselves around me and associate with me time and time again, after all that I've put them through just being who I am- a person who makes mistakes ALL the time, a person who doesn't always think with her head and with logic, a person who can explode sometimes, a person who falls, a sinner.

I'm so prideful, I have to be reminded over and over again to GET OVER MYSELF, like the lyrics say. I grew up being the baby of the family, always being spoiled and given special treatments for being the youngest. I have taken leaps and bounds to overcome the effects of being a spoiled person, but I feel there are so many more leaps to go. I love attention, I love having the spotlight on me. For most of my life I just wanted to be famous- my dream was to be a famous singer and dancer, like Selena. I wanted to perform and I wanted people to watch me and love my performance and look at me and go, wow she is so talented. I have let go of that performer dream, long ago it seems, but I am still a performer in my daily life. I am still that girl who loves the spotlight. I wouldn't say I live for it, but I sure do love it.

I'm selfish. We're all pretty selfish. I found that when I stop reading my Bible and being fed by the Word of God consistently, I grow more and more selfish. This is not good for anyone. I am trying so hard to think of others before myself, on everything. I love my friends and family and because I care for them so much I have always tried to think of them above myself, but lately I felt like I fell away from that. I'm reading my Bible again now, and I can already see change. I just hope I can keep growing and changing so that others see it too. I want to be that selfless woman of God that I grew up always wanting to be, before I strayed so much.

I could probably assume that many people who know me very well.. could very easily predict my every move when it comes to my pride and situations that arise from it. I'm very competitive, very, very, VERY competitive. I want to blame playing competitive soccer at Valley High School for that mostly, but, of course for REAL the blame lies with me and me alone. All Zach had to do was look at me and quietly say, "Emily... pride..." when I was playing mario kart to get me to realize what I was doing and that I needed to calm down. Ughhh. I need my friends to do that, as much as I hate it- I need it.

So when the lyrics say, "why do you even bother with me, please tell me what it is you see"- it's basically what I feel like saying to my friends, the ones who put up with me. And then I want to say this to let them know I love them so much for being by my side amidst my crazy antics, prideful heart, and selfish desires.

This part:
it's me that you can do without
but you choose to stick it out
and without you there is no doubt
i would break under the burden

...is humbling to me. it's so true...

so basically, the end sums up how I feel ultimately...
"it's the least I could do, after what we've been through
I wrote these words cause I love you, only you."

See, that's the best thing about ART. Art causes things to happen inside of you, it makes you face yourself, it makes you feel. Life is nothing without feelings. Life needs art, I need art in my life. Music, sculptures, paintings, carvings, prints, photographs, dance... it's all apart of an endless circle of creativity, growth, and emotion. I LOVE IT.