a bad way to start the morning off.

and she takes it all in
one breath, one heart
in that moment
she feels stripped
all at once
and it makes her sick
as she feels everything
rushing through her veins
draining her of hope
of all goodness
how can it all be felt at once
without breaking down?
she's sickened at the thought
as she relives every second
that left her empty
as she feels
the abandonment, the rejection
the shock of not mattering
the disbelief of not being enough
the lack of kindness...
after everything she's been through!
the betrayal of a friend
the bitterness, the disloyalty
the anger swelling up inside
the pain of her past
the pain of her present
and the pain that will
remain forever.

no one deserves to be treated like that
when treatment is your job
and you do nothing
you refuse care
to the ones who need care the most
to the ones who cry out for help
no one deserves that.
----------------------------------------------

Today, life slapped me in the face. Today, my distrust of the medical professionals who claim to want to help, was confirmed and enhanced. I have always been cautious around doctors, skeptical... and now right when I think I'm actually beginning to trust, I get thrown out like I'm just some joe-schmo who doesn't matter, because I'm just another patient, I'm just another number... my life, health and well-being doesn't REALLY matter after all, I can be handed off from doctor to doctor, never getting the right treatment, always having to start over and explain the same painful story over and over and OVER again to some doctor who looks me in the eye and pretends to be all concerned and trying to help, when really, they're just going to end up like all the others who have abandoned me and given up on me. Don't you dare refuse to see me, after everything I've been through, don't you begin to "phase-out" seeing your patients without telling my family what the hell is going on, while I go weeks of feeling pain that doubles me over and leaves me depressed and exhausted.......

I feel so unimportant, and worthless. The sick shouldn't be treated like that, the sick should be encouraged and loved and feel like they're worth any kind of treatment or care that will help them have a better life, like they're valuable.

It isn't fair, it isn't right.
the end.