the status of my health, still pending.

I was in a bad car accident on Wednesday, January 16th. This is what happened:

I merged onto the interstate, hitting a speed of about 55 mph, as traffic was moving slower due to the snowy weather. I was positioned in the middle lane, and began moving over into the far left lane. As I began shifting over into the lane, I felt my tires lose all traction and felt my adrenaline pump harder as I realized I was sliding and couldn't control it nor stop it. My first thought was that I didn't want to smash into the cement guardrail separating the two sides of the interstate at 55 mph. My car was shaking and sliding every which way, and then the back end of my jeep swung me around, spinning my car in a 360 degree turn so that I was sliding backwards, facing incoming traffic head on at an almost straight angle. Next, I saw the semi-truck coming at me and the only thing going through my mind was, "No...no..." and then it smashed into me, trying to swerve, and I don't remember what my car did after the hit- but it slid to a stop just a foot shy of the cement guardrail. As I saw the truck coming at me, I thought I was going to die for sure. I don't remember much besides that. I don't remember what my body did when the semi-truck collided with my jeep- all I remember is sitting there in the car on the shoulder by the guardrail in complete shock, stunned to be alive and breathing. I sat there in silence for a minute, then the inevitable happened- and I burst into tears and wailed and screamed.

Waiting for the cops to come was the worst. And not being able to get ahold of anyone to come to me was almost just as bad. I finally got in contact with my sister and Nick, and then my mom. I remember sitting there, shivering from the frigid cold air sinking into my skin while watching the snow fall around me. I remember when my mom finally pulled up, and I got out of my car and ran into her arms and cried. Everything after that seemed to move in slow motion, like I was in an unshakable daze. My neck felt stiff and tight, but other than that I was seemingly fine. 2 and a half hours later, I was back in Ames. The entire night I just felt like somebody had stunned me. I went to sleep, but woke up only a few hours later in the middle of the night with tears in my eyes and visions of the semi-truck coming at me and the crunching sound of my car when it hit. I tried to go back to sleep, but kept waking up time and time again from the same visions and I became hysterical from them. I also kept waking up with muscle pains all over my body. It was horrible. I prayed for Jesus to take away those visions. I fell asleep eventually but woke up not much later, having missed my first class already and decided I needed to rest and give myself a day to re-cooperate. I called the health center here on campus and explained I was in a bad car accident and wanted to get checked out. I was limping on my left knee and my neck and back were aching painfully, with headaches coming and going. I spent the next 3 hours getting examined by my doctor there and getting x-rays taken. No fractures were discovered after looking at the x-rays, but i was given a muscle relaxant to take at night and a soft neck brace to help support my neck and help with the pain.

I am now having other troubles with my body, as a result of the crash last Wednesday. It's scary and perplexing. All my limbs will suddenly go numb and I'm completely unable to move my arms and legs, hands and feet. I get these prickly tingles that radiate out to my fingers and down my legs to my toes until i can't feel them at all. Sunday night was the first time it occurred, and my sister and Nick took me to the ER after Nick and our friend Mark carried me down 5 flights of stairs and out to my sister's car. It was really frightening to not be able to move, and have to be in a wheelchair because I couldn't use my legs. I had to be "immobilized" which to the ER it means strap me down on this big, long board thing and have all these straps holding me snugly to it- I felt like a mummy all wrapped up, and it was extremely uncomfortable after I had been strapped to that flat, hard surface for 2 hours or so... my head felt like it was being smashed and my back hurt after they finally let me out of it. They had to make sure there wasn't something wrong with my spinal cord, and they took a CT-scan, which apparently didn't show anything was wrong. At first the neurologist wanted to admit me to the hospital and stay for a few days, but shortly after he examined me I began to get feeling back in my arms and legs. After that I was free to go since I wasn't "in danger" as he put it.

Well, today things got worse. After spending the night with my sister at her apartment, I arrived back to my dorm feeling tired, weak and overall fatigued, but otherwise I felt fine and normal. I was just doing little things in my room, I was on my laptop, got dressed for the day and everything, and made lunch plans to meet my friend Steve at the udcc at 1 pm. About 12:30 pm, I was lying down on my futon just resting before going to lunch, and all the sudden the numbness started doing the same thing it did last night, and i was completely paralyzed again. I tried with all my might to move my hand, or just a finger, ANYTHING, to reach for my phone, but I couldn't. Somehow I used my head and my mouth and pried open my cell phone with my tongue and pushed the most recent call button to get help. About 30 minutes later, I got feeling back in all my limbs and I could walk again. Weird, right? So I went to lunch and came back to my room afterwards to work on homework. Well, at about 2:30 I got a call from the hospital saying I needed to go there as soon as possible to get an MRI of my neck ordered by the neurologist. So I go down to Steve and Brek's room to borrow Steve's car since I didn't have any other way of transportation. I'm feeling kind of numb and dizzy and faint, and Steve didn't want me to drive myself if I wasn't feeling alright and he couldn't do it because he's on crutches from his leg surgery he had.... so I got ahold of our friend Mel to drive me and she just says she'll take me in her car, but she had to walk to Campus Ave to get it so it'd take about 20 mins. I sat down with Steve and Brek while I waited for Mel to pull up outside Friley. I was just SITTING there on the futon next to Steve... and all the sudden I lost all feeling again in my limbs and couldn't move for the life of me. I was just gonna wait it out, and I was able to wiggle my toes and feet after a little bit, but then my face got tingly and started to go numb as well and I felt my head roll down and I blacked out for a minute. I could hear Steve and Brek whistling and saying my name and I could lightly feel Steve touching my face trying to wake me up, but I couldn't open my eyes, and then I gasped for air and realized I hadn't been breathing and opened my eyes, but could hardly hold my head up I felt so weak and numb all over. Steve (on his crutches, mind you) got up and held all the doors so Brek could carry me out to Mel's car. Mel drove me to the hospital, I had to be wheeled in a wheelchair everywhere because I couldn't walk or move at all still, and they did the MRI of my neck. It had been like an hour, and I could walk on my legs at that point but they weren't very strong and it was extremely difficult. Mel did everything for me and she was such a good friend to me, ugh I just love her to death. She helped me back up to my room, it was 5 or something by then. Since then I've been in my room lying down mostly, just trying to not worry about anything and just focus on my body and do everything i can to be relaxed and just trust in God through this whole thing. I'm not worrying about the classes I'm going to miss (the doctor ordered me not to go anywhere tomorrow, especially not until he's called me and talked to me about the results of my MRI). I'm very, very scared... but I know this is all apart of God's plan for my life and I know He will never leave me or forsake me.

My body goes in and out of numbness. My neck hurts in the back pretty badly and my upper back has shooting pains at times too. I feel fatigued overall, and short of breath sometimes. Right now, all I can do is pray that the doctor will have answers for me tomorrow. I don't know if I will have to be hospitalized or not. At this point, I'm leaving it up to God and whatever happens I will get through it, I know I will. Please pray for the healing of my body and peace of mind. <3