all the colors mix together to grey, and it breaks her heart

I didn't mean for this to happen.
I didn't want to get so wrapped up.
I didn't intend to get so attached.
I didn't try to feel for you the way that I do.
It just happened.

It's like.... I know in my heart, deep down, that he's not the guy for me.. he's not the right one. But, I cannot express how much I WANTED him to be that guy for me! Gosh, I wanted that so much! I wanted that guy to come into my life, and I wanted it to be HIM. I wanted him to be the right one. I wanted him to be that guy. SO bad. But I know it's not right. If it were right, things would have gone differently tonight.

I'm too conservative for him? Ok... that's just too bad I guess... because I would think anyone would want a girl with values like mine...... that's just what I think though.... and that hurts, hearing that you're too "conservative" for a guy? What does that even mean? I'm sorry but there are just things I won't back down on, like values and morals. like the fact that I have them, that's enough to make a guy not want to be in a relationship with me? That's just not right... I know what that means.... I don't want that to be what it means, but it is.

That makes me want to scream profanities, but I will refrain. because I hate profanities. Oh wait, darn it, I believe that makes me really conservative............

Anyway. I'm sorry it ended like this. I'm sad. I'm disappointed. And I feel like lately, my life has just been one disappointment after another.. like a chain reaction of some sort. It comes to a point, where I can't take another disappointment! I honestly can't! Take away my hope, take away my fun, take away my joy, take away my love, take away my strength, take away my money, take away my trust, and give me pain, and heartache, and brokenness. Go ahead. There's a point where all you can do is break down.

I don't know when I'll get over him. But I'm going to have to do it somehow, just like I got over the other one, and the other one...... it's an endless cycle. It's cruel and it's ruthless. But that's life. And I have to move on. Gotta keep moving along, just like the song says. That's all life is to me right now. Being disappointed and hurt, then trying to move on from that point, so that I get to the next disappointment and start hurting again, and try to move on from that point like I did before.

My heart = weary.

the end.