"I can't believe I didn't say this sooner..."

I don't know how to describe how I feel right at this moment. I don't. I just....... don't.

This stormy business outside is affecting me inside. It also just matches my insides, but, it's definitely emphasizing what's going on inside too.

So I feel like my head is surrounded by hazy clouds... I'm jumbled up, like nothing feels "right" in my world anymore. Everything was "fine" about 4 hours ago, but all the sudden I had a rapid change in pace, and in heart. It's like if my day today were a novel, about 4 hours ago you would get to the chapter where "the twist" occurs in the plot. My twist seems to be internal conflict, mostly.

In a span of about 2 hours, lots of things went wrong and affected me in a negative way. First off, I drive to the Walgreens on University and 60th to develop a bunch of pictures, and when I walk in... both the digital photo machines are being used, and they were being used by older women (no offense) who had just started the process and moved about 1 picture per hour and didn't seem to know what they were doing at all. Seriously..... I was pissed. So I just left. Then, I was thinking how coffee would perk me up a little, so I drive right across the street to Java G's. It's freaking closed! It was 15 minutes after 7 p.m.! What kind of coffee shop closes before 9 p.m. on a weekday!? a weekday where people like me want to give themselves a "lift" with some delicious coffee, but not until 7 in the evening! Wow! ok, so, then I drove down the road to Hy-vee because they have a Starbucks in there. I go in, the girl is nice working there and gives me my white mocha... and I'm walking out of Hy-vee and I realize she didn't put on a hot drink slip (the thing that goes around the coffee that keeps your hands from friggin burning off because the coffee is so friggin hot!).... so my hands were seriously steaming and it just pissed me off even more. I make my way back to Walgreens and one of the photo machines is free finally, and I find out that like a BUTTLOAD of pictures that me and my friends had taken the night we went to see the Pirates of the Caribbean 3 movie premier aren't on my camera..... and I don't have any clue as to why they're not there.... and I tried putting my camera card into my laptop and seeing if they show up in my computer and they're no where to be found... so yeah I'm just so darn confused and pissed about that. Anyway, I finished doing my photos, like mostly just my pics from my weekend in Wisconsin with Mel & Brek..... and I was so pissed that I didn't even want to wait around tonight to go pick the pics back up, so I picked tomorrow after 8 pm for my pick-up time, and seriously I don't even know why I did that because now it just seems stupid to me. I'm just sitting around doing nothing and I could have gone back and gotten my pictures, but whatever, I'm retarted and make bad decisions when I'm stressed... so... that's that.

I found out today that I'm gonna miss out on a really cool show in my favorite park this Friday night, because I'm working til close. sweet. NOT!

I also found out that Adam is officially in a relationship with this Dani girl he met like a month ago or something. and I don't like that at all. and I could say a lot more about that but I probably should refrain so I will, because sometimes I am self-controlled. sometimes. Is it so bad that I will probably never like him being with another girl? I mean is that a bad sign?... really? It's just because I care... and I know him more than anyone AND he was my first love, plus I just don't think these other girls are right for him. I don't think he has the best judgment in picking girlfriends, but, I can't really do anything about it....I just have to sit back and watch mistakes being made and so that kind of sucks. oh well right?

I'm seriously obsessed with the song "Say This Sooner" by The Almost. Anyone who doesn't care for it can....suck it. yeah I said it. I'm just not in the mood.

[Every day that passes by
shoves you further away
away from me
away from the present
every day that passes by
pushes you one more day
closer to being in my past
to being just a memory.]

ok the end!