"there's nothing you can make that can't be made, there's no one you could save that can't be saved..."

After spending so much time looking inward, and reflecting, and evaluating... I start to look outward with great fervor and passion. I've focused a lot on myself because I had to, whether it was dealing with my sickness and my feelings with all of that and my strength, whether it's looking inside myself and figuring out what needs to be done to get back on track with God, or whatever.. I've just had to spend a lot of time dealing with myself, definitely limiting how much I am able to focus on others, to focus outward. I think both are important, but I know that they can't always be balanced perfectly in life too. That's kinda just how it is.

So I'm really paying attention to what's going on with the people surrounding me, and I just really care about them. A lot. I care so freaking much, it hurts. I want to help so bad, but I know I can't do anything and I shouldn't because it's not my job to fix everyone else's problems- I know that. But I still care so much. Like I wish I could fix what's going on at my home, I wish I could make depressed people not as depressed, I wish I could help an off-tracker get back on track, I wish I could change what happened to make a cheery girl so dreary and different now, I wish I could help a lost soul get found, I wish I could fix everything so that the people I care about could not feel down or hurt or discouraged. I just want everybody to feel good and have no problems. But of course, that's not how humanity is supposed to be. I still find myself wanting it though, I can't help it. I just hate seeing others stumble, fall, cry, and hurt. Maybe it hurts me so much because I know how much it hurts, to whatever extent. I may be only 19, but I've got a lot of experiences under my belt thus far. I wouldn't say my life is anything close to pain-free or easy or un-burdened. I also wouldn't say it's sooooooo unbearably hard and bad all the time, but I have definitely seen a lot and felt a lot that gives me insight into other people's problems.

I just really, really care. It breaks my heart.