"and in the time it took to write you this song..."

I couldn't sleep last night. I had things swirling around in my head that wouldn't stop swirling. Eventually they did, but I think I laid in bed for 2 hours in the dark trying to will them out of my head so I could sleep for a few hours. To compensate, I slept until noon today.

This is a story I will call, "Not Anymore."

The pairing of the words 'not' and 'anymore' together do not seem very threatening or bad. I can think of many examples of the pairing that come in response to questions that are very harmless. Such as, "hey are you still hungry?" -"Not anymore, I ate a huge flying burrito for dinner." Or, "do you still want to go to the party?" -"not anymore, I feel like watching a movie instead." Or even, "do you go to valley high school?" -"not anymore, I am a sophomore at Iowa State now."

But my experience with those two words was much more unpleasant. It left a bad taste in my mouth. Let me show you why. Instead of questions that deal with how you feel, or what you want to do, or location or the like, he was asked the question that dealt with my precious heart. I saw the whole thing come together, and finally he asked, "wait, are you guys still dating?" -"not anymore," he responded. But the way it felt was more like, "NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!" It was like someone turned on a florescent light above us when he said it. It was like the questioner might as well have asked the question into a megaphone. And then I watched the respondent struggle for a quick second before relaying said response. His lips parted and I swear I saw the words in all caps scream out for the whole world to hear. So then I just hated everything and everyone for a moment as the feeling seeped in and spread throughout my vessels. Then, everything was awkward. Like all the sudden I was aware that my legs are too long and too skinny and pointing out in strange angles. Then I was aware that my arms were crossed and maybe that said to everyone in the circle that I was mad or, the truth be told, I might be uncomfortable... gasp! And then I was aware that I didn't know where to place my gaze. Don't look down Emily, everyone might think you look sad or forlorn, don't look up Emily, everyone might think you're trying not to cry, don't look at him too long Emily, he's not going to look back.

That is why I do not like the words 'not' and 'anymore' paired together any longer. I'm done with that coupling.

On another note,

THE ENVY CORPS played an AMAZING show last night at House of Bricks!!!!!!!
Every song was just so good, I can remember most of the set, but not completely and not the exact order...
Wires and Wool
You Look Good In Wings pt. II
Sylvia (the Beekeeper)
Rooftop
Ninety-Nine One-Hundred
Pip Pip
an 80's cover
Baby Teeth
Party Dress
Rhinemaidens
Story Problem

... ahh, so good. They're so fun on-stage and I just love every one of them. Rhinemaidens and Story Problem were definitely the most energetic, and that's expected since they were the last 2 songs and obvious crowd favorites. I loved the contrast between playing Sylvia which I was moving and dancing to and then slowing things down with Rooftop to a little sway. I loved it every time Brandon the guitarist grabbed his mic and held it out for the audience to sing into. I loved watching Nick obsess over their top-notch equipment the whole time. I loved watching the drummer Scott... I always get a kick out of watching drummers at shows :) he was hilarious, and what a look he has, goodness. When they started Party Dress I went crazy and the entire front part of the crowd that I was apart of was just dancing like crazy, and when they got to my favorite part of the song with the line about saying off with your head and Luke just belted it, oh man that was awesome for me. Baby Teeth was definitely one of my favorites, I love the build-up and the huge sound at the end and it's just so beautiful. The end of Story Problem when they had the crowd sing the 'ohs' and everything was incredible. Ugh, it was just so good. Definitely awaiting their next album.

I love going to good shows.
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I just noticed this very large woman sitting at the table over from me in the Barnes & Noble cafe has been looking at the screen of my laptop like she's trying to see what I'm typing. Ha. See if she can see me write this about her! HA. thought that was kinda funny.

well I wanted to get a lot of work done on my Law & Politics class and possibly construct my proposal for my english class on a memoir topic, but... not much has been done. Instead, I wrote this blog and I've been watching the Envy Corps videos and listening to their stuff. I have no idea when Nick's going to want to go back to Ames, but, oh well. I'm pretty much done here anyway. I've gotten out what needed to be said. :)
<3