There are some people I never want to be like.

So I recently had an experience with some people, in particular some people of the female species. And as most people know, I shy away from hanging out with girls unless they are my very good friends or are truly great people that do not belong in the general stereotype of the female population. We all know girls like this. They are almost everywhere. You just can't seem to get away from them. I do not think of myself to be better than these girls in any way, shape, or form. However, I have very strong beliefs when it comes to how I act and how I represent my gender when I act a certain way. This being said, I just want it to be clear that I am not saying I am better than anybody, but I am saying I do not think of myself as the stereotypical girl of Generation Y. And that is very important to me.

A lot of these girls actually think of themselves the same way I think of myself. Not like "them." But I assure you, they are sadly mistaken. It is a sad thing that we even have this stereotype about being a young female that has presented itself as something girls must fight against for much of their young lives. But the reality of things is that it exists. So deal with it. You can only pretend so long.

I have been thinking a lot about this over the weekend, because of what happened a couple nights ago when I was out and about. I remember retelling the story of events that night to my lovely roommate just the other day, and she was listening to my every word as if she were watching a suspenseful movie just about to reach its climax and change the world we know forever. Dripping with drama.

I arrive at my really good guy friend's place. I found him and we hugged and said salutations, the usual. Then he told me to go set up for a game we were going to play and he'd be there in a minute to join me. So I'm waiting. Then I look over and I see this random girl walk up to him and start doing what can only be described as a desperate attempt to get a guy's attention and somehow fulfill her slutty quota for the night. Ew. The only thing is, he's not stopping it. Cool. A girl that I only assume is a friend of said desperate girl comes over to me and asks me, "hey are you and that guy together?" I look at her. I make up my mind very quickly to not be THAT GIRL that thinks she possesses something that she really doesnt. I say, "no we are not together. I don't want her dancing with him though." I felt it was a good representation of my complicated thoughts at the moment. She walks away. My guy friend finally snaps out of it and walks over to join me at our game. We're getting things ready, when all the sudden said desperate dancing girl pushes me out of the way and stands inbetween me and my guy friend so that we can't stand next to each other. I kindly say, "excuse me, this is my friend, we're playing right now." She turns to me and shoves me further away and goes, "He's MY partner. GO AWAY." She literally shoved me. I want to explode, but I try to kindly tell her to move away so we can play our game and she can play next, and she grabs my guy friend and nuzzles close to him as she forcefully tells me that she is playing with him, not me. My guy friend says and does nothing.

This does not make me feel good. I hold back tears, and walk into my friend's room and shut the door so I can be alone because I feel like I'm about to cry. A second later, all the sudden the door is flung open and in walks in another girl. She stands very close to me and yells, "HEY, what's the problem?!" I tell her very calmly, "there's no problem, a girl was not being very nice to me and shoved me and it was very rude." The girl then explains to me that that's her best friend and somehow felt the need to assure me several times that she's "NOT A SLUT" and that I need to keep my mouth shut(uhh?). This is perplexing, stupid, and annoying to me. I tell her calmly, "That's fine. But your friend shoved me out of the way and it was just really uncalled for and unnecessary." Apparently that just set her off. Apparently she doesn't respond well to calm, chill, laid-back, nice girls. Because, next thing I know, this girl GRABS my chin and pulls me close to her face (what?!), yells some garbage at me about being a b*tch, then PULLS MY PONYTAIL HAIRBAND OUT OF MY HAIR and THROWS IT ON THE GROUND. I look at her and I'm like, "excuse me?! get away from me!" and I walk out of the room and back to where everyone else is. I pull my guy friend aside and try to explain to him what just happened, and I'm holding back tears again, and he is completely belligerent and just looks at me and goes, "Emily. You need to leave. Just leave." I grab my purse and I am out of that place faster than you can say "Unbelievable."

The worst part is when I am walking out of the door, I turn back as it opens again and the mean girl who pulled my hair out is standing at the door, waving at me, and says, "Bye!!!"

I wrote about this because this is something I have never experienced before. I have never felt what I felt on this night after having these random, slutty, disrespectful, gross, b*tchy girls attack me when I did absolutely nothing to provoke them, nothing wrong, and pretty much nothing at all but come over to MY friends of 2 and a half years and hang out.

So I stand strong on what I put as the title of this blog: There are some people I never want to be like. And those girls are those people. Unbelievable. UNBELIEVABLE.

crown me nothing.

What constitutes a validated meltdown exactly?

where is my God and Savior in these dark times?

I choose not to respond to the prodding questions and condescending remarks.

this year, I have a backbone.

when did marriage become a fad?

every day I live, I gain a deeper understanding of the expensive world we live in, and every day I hate it even more than the day before.

What makes money the god of this underworld and how do we stop it?

who decided money is enough to destroy lives of beautiful people?

I say, hell no.

No, I do not want to leave my home here and go where you are and where you now are calling "home", because it is not MY home and it never will be. It will always be the place you now stay, just a place, nothing more nothing less. Never home.

bye.

"you caught me off guard, now i'm running and screaming."

this is the point where I have to re-group, evaluate, and re-strategize... using all the tools I became equipped with over this past summer. Life is moving very fast, and has been for a while now. The constant high speed has been manageable, but I'm running out of gas. So now I need to fill back up, before I get to empty and hit rock bottom again. I never want to hit rock bottom again! That's why I have preventative measures up my sleeves that I will now pull out and use.

I will never get used to taking all of my medicines and pills. Especially my kidney stone disease medicine. I absolutely hate having to take 6 pills every single day, knowing that if I don't, it could cost me a lot of pain and a lot of problems I definitely don't need on my already full plate right now. And it's worse, because I faithfully take my medicine, but I still already have been passing several stones over the past couple weeks. Last night was the worst... I thought I was going to have to go to the ER, but I just toughed it out for 3 hours total of constant pain. It forced me to take my prescribed pain medication, which I hate doing because it knocks me out so I am like a vegetable pretty much and can't do a thing. But I really couldn't take any more pain... it was just draining me and draining me. The pain med knocked me out so much I did have to miss my early morning class, but I tried with all my might to get out of bed and move on with my day and go to my other 3 classes. It was so hard walking to class, when I just wanted to fall over and sleep for like an entire DAY, but I reached deep inside myself and pulled out the strength that God fills me up with when I am so weak and frail. He is my everything. I couldn't get through these days without Him and without the strength he lets flow through my fragile human body.

I'm just starting to feel really weary from moving at such a fast pace for a while now.... I want things to slow down, but I can't change what happens around me. All I can do is change how I react to them and how I manage it all.

So that's exactly what I'm going to do. And no one can bring me down. I'm doing my best and I'm doing all I can to stay on top of things, and that's all I can ask of myself and all anyone else can ask of me. I'm not worried about what other people think and what other people say about me-- that's their problem. I can only control my own behavior and speech. Otherwise, you end up being controlled by everyone and everything around you.... and that is not a good thing- trust me I know this.

that's the update as of right now. Rock on.