How do I even begin?...
The excitement lingers, it's like a fog, encircling and surrounding my entire being. Wherever I walk, it follows, never leaves. It is like a spark ready to explode a stick of dynamite on whoever happens to be near me... but not a destructive piece of dynamite, no, no. This is a joyful, energetic firecracker, yes... firecracker, emitting red and blue stars of accomplishment and euphoria. It can't hurt anyone, it will just leave an impression of passion... I hope.
...Because I am just bursting with passion right now.
I have realized that going a year and half without being immersed in the game has caused the love for the game to bury itself under my many layers. Well, call me peeled, because the layers are transparent now, baby! In one moment, I found my love for the game renewed and stronger than ever. This love, so radiating from within me, only strengthened my kick and lengthened my stamina as I pushed myself to give 150% in every aspect of tonight's tryout. That moment left me breathless, not just from all the running and the panting... but from something deeper. I covered that soccer field in an ocean of passion tonight, and that's all I can do. I am so exhilirated and amazed at how I felt being immersed once again in the game of soccer. My right calf is tender from a body part smashing into it (tender? ok, I'm limping), my feet are sore from breaking in new cleats, my lungs hate me for my frequent gasps for air, but mostly... my heart is full of joy after participating in something I love so dearly, and needed so desperately.
And tomorrow I am prepared to do it all again. :-)
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
West Des Moines will always be my home.//Cookies are a sure way to get to my heart... or at least, my vote.
Well I spent the weekend back home in West Des Moines. It was wonderful, absolutely wonderful. I spent Friday and Saturday night with Aubrey, Bry, James, Alex, Mike, Zach, Kayla, Mitch, Lindsey, & Maddie. I spent all day Saturday with my mom... including time relaxing at home and just talking about things, shopping at the mall, getting coffee & visiting Aubs while she worked... it was just what I wanted. Then I had the idea to invite my parents to have dinner with me at Red Robin, only my favorite place ever since I worked there this summer :-). So, not only did I have a good dinner with my parents, but I got to see all my co-workers and friends from Red Robin, including my buddy T.J.! It was fantastic. Saturday night, Aubrey came over after a long day of dance auditions & work, and we relaxed our muscles in the hottub and talked. It was SO good for me, and I couldn't have asked for a better weekend home. Sunday morning, I intended to go to church, but I chose not to after waking up and realizing my throat was swollen. Apparently my allergies are now full-fledged and ravaging my body. Instead, Aubrey & I had lunch together at Panera, visited w/ Mike & Zach at the mall for a little bit, then Aubs and I just hung out with my parents at my house til Zach & Mike picked me up to leave. I was so sad to leave home again. I just want to be there right now!
Today started off rainy and cold. Walking across campus for my 9 oclock class was not very enjoyable, but tolerable. I had a phase in the mid-morning/early-afternoon where I was just sad and depressed, I just really wanted to be home. Today was also the first lunchtime I actually ate by myself at the udcc. I didn't feel good at all, I've actually felt pretty sick all day. My body is fatigued and my mind is stressed. My throat is sore and my stomach is nauseous. Blah. I took a nap from 3:3o-5:30, then Catherine and I ended up eating dinner at the udcc with Tim A. and some of his friends. After that I felt happier and I came back up here and just sat on my laptop here for a while on facebook and what not, then started digging into my homework.
I am also very eager and nervous for soccer tryouts tomorrow night. Actually... I'm like totally freaking out!!!!! but... it'll be ok. If i make it, sweet. if not, whatev, I've been content not playing on a competitive team for a year, it will be like nothing has changed. I'm trying to not let the anxiety consume me, but it's hard because I'm just so dang scared! even when I love soccer so much, I've never been completely confident with my ability in it, like I have a lot of confidence.. but I wouldn't go so far to say that I'm completely and absolutely confident. So if you think about me, pray for me at 6 pm Tuesday and on Wednesday!
Another thing that happened tonight worthy of mentioning... the house of boys right around the corner hall from my house, they are in the house Richey (I am in Fleming), came knocking on all of our doors around 9:30, telling us to go to the den. They had cookies and cookie dough for us! But that's not the sweetest part... one of the guys was playing a harp! a real, huge HARP! He's like a music-business major or something, so he plays the harp and he's just amazing! haha. it was so cute, we had harp music playing in the background, and all of us girls were just enjoying the cookies and cookie dough and talking to all the guys in the den. I actually felt like I was talking to people haha... and I was actually enjoying myself... which is good, lol. I was just really excited the guys had cookie dough for us. One guy even came back with milk for everyone, haha, b/c everyone was getting thirsty. Livingston and Elwood are two other guy houses that are fighting to be our brother-house.... but I'm pretty sure I know who I'm voting for! Let me give you a hint... I basically said at the beginning, whoever gives us food, gets my vote. haha. There you go.
I took an extra long shower tonight and enjoyed the hot water after a cold, gloomy day. It was nice.
I miss home.
Today started off rainy and cold. Walking across campus for my 9 oclock class was not very enjoyable, but tolerable. I had a phase in the mid-morning/early-afternoon where I was just sad and depressed, I just really wanted to be home. Today was also the first lunchtime I actually ate by myself at the udcc. I didn't feel good at all, I've actually felt pretty sick all day. My body is fatigued and my mind is stressed. My throat is sore and my stomach is nauseous. Blah. I took a nap from 3:3o-5:30, then Catherine and I ended up eating dinner at the udcc with Tim A. and some of his friends. After that I felt happier and I came back up here and just sat on my laptop here for a while on facebook and what not, then started digging into my homework.
I am also very eager and nervous for soccer tryouts tomorrow night. Actually... I'm like totally freaking out!!!!! but... it'll be ok. If i make it, sweet. if not, whatev, I've been content not playing on a competitive team for a year, it will be like nothing has changed. I'm trying to not let the anxiety consume me, but it's hard because I'm just so dang scared! even when I love soccer so much, I've never been completely confident with my ability in it, like I have a lot of confidence.. but I wouldn't go so far to say that I'm completely and absolutely confident. So if you think about me, pray for me at 6 pm Tuesday and on Wednesday!
Another thing that happened tonight worthy of mentioning... the house of boys right around the corner hall from my house, they are in the house Richey (I am in Fleming), came knocking on all of our doors around 9:30, telling us to go to the den. They had cookies and cookie dough for us! But that's not the sweetest part... one of the guys was playing a harp! a real, huge HARP! He's like a music-business major or something, so he plays the harp and he's just amazing! haha. it was so cute, we had harp music playing in the background, and all of us girls were just enjoying the cookies and cookie dough and talking to all the guys in the den. I actually felt like I was talking to people haha... and I was actually enjoying myself... which is good, lol. I was just really excited the guys had cookie dough for us. One guy even came back with milk for everyone, haha, b/c everyone was getting thirsty. Livingston and Elwood are two other guy houses that are fighting to be our brother-house.... but I'm pretty sure I know who I'm voting for! Let me give you a hint... I basically said at the beginning, whoever gives us food, gets my vote. haha. There you go.
I took an extra long shower tonight and enjoyed the hot water after a cold, gloomy day. It was nice.
I miss home.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
So long, Pluto my friend.
I have just been informed of a very tragic piece of news. Are you ready for this?
Pluto is no longer a planet in our Solar System. According to astronomers, the ex-planet has been demoted, stripped of its title, and will no longer have the status of being the 9th planet. Sadly, we will have to carry on our lives with the 8 remaining planets in the Solar System. The acronym MVEMJSUNP, that I learned from Screech Powers during an episode of Saved by the Bell, must now be re-memorized as MVEMJSUN... with no popping 'p' at the end. Oh, what a sad day this really is for us all.
I would like to take this moment to reflect on what a good 9th planet Pluto has always been up until its demotion...............................
That will do.
I hope for the sake of our other 8 planets, that they will continue to "...dominate their orbits around the Sun." For if they do not take heed, will Neptune be next???
Oh, Pluto. Pluto, Pluto, Pluto. You will be surely missed. Though you are now only a "dwarf planet" in the minds of researchers and astronomers everywhere, you will always be Pluto, the 9th planet in our Solar System, in my heart. Farewell to thee...
::end news flash::
Pluto is no longer a planet in our Solar System. According to astronomers, the ex-planet has been demoted, stripped of its title, and will no longer have the status of being the 9th planet. Sadly, we will have to carry on our lives with the 8 remaining planets in the Solar System. The acronym MVEMJSUNP, that I learned from Screech Powers during an episode of Saved by the Bell, must now be re-memorized as MVEMJSUN... with no popping 'p' at the end. Oh, what a sad day this really is for us all.
I would like to take this moment to reflect on what a good 9th planet Pluto has always been up until its demotion...............................
That will do.
I hope for the sake of our other 8 planets, that they will continue to "...dominate their orbits around the Sun." For if they do not take heed, will Neptune be next???
Oh, Pluto. Pluto, Pluto, Pluto. You will be surely missed. Though you are now only a "dwarf planet" in the minds of researchers and astronomers everywhere, you will always be Pluto, the 9th planet in our Solar System, in my heart. Farewell to thee...
::end news flash::
Monday, August 21, 2006
First Day
First day of classes.
English 105- chill teacher. a nice, peaceful walk in the morning, since it's my farthest class. I'm anticipating a pretty rigorous class in this one though, even if Anja (my instructor) seems so relaxed.
JL MC 101- freaking awesome. I have this class with Catherine, Ben Bjork, Zach, JR, and Jake. I'm pretty happy about that. PLUS... my professor is HILARIOUS. She says whatever the heck she wants and doesn't hold back one bit. She makes fun of everyone and I love it. She's just so funny, I can't wait to go back to this class.
Geology 100- eh. not too excited, but I want to get some of my gen. ed. science credits out of the way soo badly, I just want to take this class and get it over with. It's probably the most interesting science class I could take too... seriously, I hate science classes so much, this will be boring and bland to me, but it will at least be tolerable. My teacher is sort of odd, sometimes it's difficult to understand what she said... she has a thick accent, a mix of Italian (where she was born), and Swedish (she lived in Scandinavia). Not to mention, her husband is Australian. Cool dude.
Spanish 201- I am dropping it in about 5 minutes. I kid you not, it was the most frustrating 50 minutes of my life, I was sweating so much from anxiety and shock that I felt gross and sticky afterwards, enough to make me shower immediately when I got back to my dorm. My professor is from Peru. His english sounds exactly like his Spanish, seriously. I could understand maybe 5 complete sentences that he spoke, and he spoke the entire 50 minutes of class in Spanish... minus 2 or 3 sentences, if that. I was just freaking out the entire time, and those 50 minutes felt like 50 hours. haha... oh man. I talked to my mom about it and I basically decided it's not worth it to stick it out. I'm taking too many credits anyway, and for it being my freshman year of college... well, to be honest, I'd like to actually have fun this year. lol. So I'm going to ease my load a little bit and enjoy not studying my life away.
Plus, I haven't even had my Political Science class, Library 160 later on in the semester, JL MC 110 orientation class, orrrr my university studies class for the Hixson Scholars. So I think I have quite a load already without the Spanish. Ok? Ok. :-)
English 105- chill teacher. a nice, peaceful walk in the morning, since it's my farthest class. I'm anticipating a pretty rigorous class in this one though, even if Anja (my instructor) seems so relaxed.
JL MC 101- freaking awesome. I have this class with Catherine, Ben Bjork, Zach, JR, and Jake. I'm pretty happy about that. PLUS... my professor is HILARIOUS. She says whatever the heck she wants and doesn't hold back one bit. She makes fun of everyone and I love it. She's just so funny, I can't wait to go back to this class.
Geology 100- eh. not too excited, but I want to get some of my gen. ed. science credits out of the way soo badly, I just want to take this class and get it over with. It's probably the most interesting science class I could take too... seriously, I hate science classes so much, this will be boring and bland to me, but it will at least be tolerable. My teacher is sort of odd, sometimes it's difficult to understand what she said... she has a thick accent, a mix of Italian (where she was born), and Swedish (she lived in Scandinavia). Not to mention, her husband is Australian. Cool dude.
Spanish 201- I am dropping it in about 5 minutes. I kid you not, it was the most frustrating 50 minutes of my life, I was sweating so much from anxiety and shock that I felt gross and sticky afterwards, enough to make me shower immediately when I got back to my dorm. My professor is from Peru. His english sounds exactly like his Spanish, seriously. I could understand maybe 5 complete sentences that he spoke, and he spoke the entire 50 minutes of class in Spanish... minus 2 or 3 sentences, if that. I was just freaking out the entire time, and those 50 minutes felt like 50 hours. haha... oh man. I talked to my mom about it and I basically decided it's not worth it to stick it out. I'm taking too many credits anyway, and for it being my freshman year of college... well, to be honest, I'd like to actually have fun this year. lol. So I'm going to ease my load a little bit and enjoy not studying my life away.
Plus, I haven't even had my Political Science class, Library 160 later on in the semester, JL MC 110 orientation class, orrrr my university studies class for the Hixson Scholars. So I think I have quite a load already without the Spanish. Ok? Ok. :-)
Friday, August 18, 2006
Miss You
Have you ever missed someone so bad it physically makes you ill?
... I have. I do.
Oh me, oh life. Sorry, just quoting a little Walt Whitman... I watched one of my favorite movies tonight with all my friends, The Dead Poets Society... so it's kind of fresh on my mind.
Love is blind.
Adieu.
... I have. I do.
Oh me, oh life. Sorry, just quoting a little Walt Whitman... I watched one of my favorite movies tonight with all my friends, The Dead Poets Society... so it's kind of fresh on my mind.
Love is blind.
Adieu.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Who's in college now?
I'm in college now. Catherine and I moved in yesterday, and my second night in Ames is almost at an end. I don't know why I'm so tired... but I am. Maybe it's all the walking and stuff, I need to get used to it all. Yesterday was exciting as we organized basically all day and got ourselves settled in. Our room isn't huge, but it's not as tiny as Erin & Jamie's mouse-hole of a room last year either. I don't really care how big it is, as long as I feel like I'm home, you know? In all honesty, I love our room... but it's just not home yet. When I am alone and in my room, I find myself yearning to be back in my house on Glen Oaks Way, just a mile away from the Quenzers and in the heart of the booming developments of West Des Moines. I received a text message last night from my wonderful friend Aubrey and it almost made me cry because she said she needed me and just feels like crying because I've left. That sums up how I feel right now about everyone I think. So, needless to say, I'm feeling a little lonely without my loves back in West Des Moines, Urbandale, and Waukee. Everyone (Erin, Jamie, etc...) keeps telling me that in a couple weeks this (being Ames) will feel like home, so I will just wait it out until that happens. I hope it does.
I sound kind of melancholy, but don't think I'm not having tons of fun up here... because I definitely am. I love eating the meals at the udcc with my friends and it's been fun meeting all the guys and girls on my floor/house/dorm and surrounding areas. Lots of people have popped their heads in and introduced themselves and stayed for a while to talk. Tonight I felt really awkward though because like 6 or 7 guys came strolling into our room and sat down and started talking to me and Catherine... I don't know why, but it just took me by surprise or something. I don't know, I'm stupid, like I didn't think that this is how people meet each other at college?... I guess it's just weird to me, I mean I feel like I knew everyone back home, 'cause I did pretty much haha. But here it's like a whole new world and it's sort of overwhelming at times. And plus, I'm such an outgoing person with a fun-loving personality... this should be fun and easy for me, but I find myself wanting to just be by myself at times when I should be popping my head into my floormates' doors or something. I'll get into the swing of things in no time, but right now I'm just trying to take everything in slowly and not get too overwhelmed...
Yesterday was fun! Catherine came back to the room with Ben Bjork and her friend Kevin, so we hung out here and Ben helped me clean up my laptop, haha. Then we walked Ben and Kevin back to their dorms, over in Roberts and Linden, about 15 minutes away. I slept really well last night, partly because I was exhausted and partly because my bed is amazing haha. I absolutely love it. It's squishy and comfy and cozy and my comforter is micro-suede and to die for! haha. This morning we woke up around 10 and took our time getting ready for the day. We ate lunch at the udcc and then drove over to Target and picked up Austin and Andrew to take them back to their dorm at Larch. It was nice seeing those boys, 'cause I've missed them. Then me and Cat went back to Target and bought some things we realized we needed but didn't have when we moved in yesterday. We keep thinking of things we need, lol. Ben, Steve and his roommate ate dinner with us tonight at the udcc, and it was deeeelicious. I then left them to hang out with Zach & Mike.... yay!!!! I love those guys, I absolutely adore them. We walked around campus for a really long time, then they showed me their dorm... which I LOVE! It's so homey and spacious, it's rather big actually... they're on the ground floor so it's nice not having to walk up 4 flights of stairs, haha. We hung out there for quite a while and I enjoyed a mountain dew while putting together poetic sentences with their refrigerator magnet word things hahaha it was SO entertaining you have no idea! Their regrigerator looks AWESOME now! lol. Then we walked back over to my dorm, ate some popcorn, then chilled in Jamie & Erin's dorm and talked to Aubrey on the phone haha. Heard from Natalie and Sam as well, which made me soooo happy. Afterwards, we parted ways. I came back to my dorm, and they went to go do something else I suppose. Basically they made me feel so much better about being here, I'm happy when I'm with them and I don't even care that they make fun of me all the time and Zach has a horrible nickname for me... haha.
Tomorrow is going to be fantastic. Aubrey, Alex Beem, Bry, Mitch and Kayla are all coming up to visit us... Aubs is spending the night... I CANNOT WAIT :-).
I think I'm going to go to bed now... I'm rather tired. Goodnight. Hey. I'm in college now...
I sound kind of melancholy, but don't think I'm not having tons of fun up here... because I definitely am. I love eating the meals at the udcc with my friends and it's been fun meeting all the guys and girls on my floor/house/dorm and surrounding areas. Lots of people have popped their heads in and introduced themselves and stayed for a while to talk. Tonight I felt really awkward though because like 6 or 7 guys came strolling into our room and sat down and started talking to me and Catherine... I don't know why, but it just took me by surprise or something. I don't know, I'm stupid, like I didn't think that this is how people meet each other at college?... I guess it's just weird to me, I mean I feel like I knew everyone back home, 'cause I did pretty much haha. But here it's like a whole new world and it's sort of overwhelming at times. And plus, I'm such an outgoing person with a fun-loving personality... this should be fun and easy for me, but I find myself wanting to just be by myself at times when I should be popping my head into my floormates' doors or something. I'll get into the swing of things in no time, but right now I'm just trying to take everything in slowly and not get too overwhelmed...
Yesterday was fun! Catherine came back to the room with Ben Bjork and her friend Kevin, so we hung out here and Ben helped me clean up my laptop, haha. Then we walked Ben and Kevin back to their dorms, over in Roberts and Linden, about 15 minutes away. I slept really well last night, partly because I was exhausted and partly because my bed is amazing haha. I absolutely love it. It's squishy and comfy and cozy and my comforter is micro-suede and to die for! haha. This morning we woke up around 10 and took our time getting ready for the day. We ate lunch at the udcc and then drove over to Target and picked up Austin and Andrew to take them back to their dorm at Larch. It was nice seeing those boys, 'cause I've missed them. Then me and Cat went back to Target and bought some things we realized we needed but didn't have when we moved in yesterday. We keep thinking of things we need, lol. Ben, Steve and his roommate ate dinner with us tonight at the udcc, and it was deeeelicious. I then left them to hang out with Zach & Mike.... yay!!!! I love those guys, I absolutely adore them. We walked around campus for a really long time, then they showed me their dorm... which I LOVE! It's so homey and spacious, it's rather big actually... they're on the ground floor so it's nice not having to walk up 4 flights of stairs, haha. We hung out there for quite a while and I enjoyed a mountain dew while putting together poetic sentences with their refrigerator magnet word things hahaha it was SO entertaining you have no idea! Their regrigerator looks AWESOME now! lol. Then we walked back over to my dorm, ate some popcorn, then chilled in Jamie & Erin's dorm and talked to Aubrey on the phone haha. Heard from Natalie and Sam as well, which made me soooo happy. Afterwards, we parted ways. I came back to my dorm, and they went to go do something else I suppose. Basically they made me feel so much better about being here, I'm happy when I'm with them and I don't even care that they make fun of me all the time and Zach has a horrible nickname for me... haha.
Tomorrow is going to be fantastic. Aubrey, Alex Beem, Bry, Mitch and Kayla are all coming up to visit us... Aubs is spending the night... I CANNOT WAIT :-).
I think I'm going to go to bed now... I'm rather tired. Goodnight. Hey. I'm in college now...
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Debbie Downer
Not to be a debbie downer or anything... but you want to know what's really annoying me right now...? Well I'll tell you. This darn kidney stone pain is what's annoying me right now! I'm a strong girl, I can take a lot, but this is just stinking annoying. It's like a knife just sitting inside of me, poking me every now and then, but it's a consistent thing all day long. I hate hanging out with my friends and having a blast and then feeling sharp pangs of pain, putting me in a bad mood. I don't like waiting for results from important tests like my ultrasound, I don't like how anxious it makes me. I'm so worried about them not finding anything at all and either sending me off to have another cat scan or scratching their heads and telling me to just do what i've always done: drink lots of water, lemonade, etc... flush them all out. If I were like 60 or 70 years old, I'd gladly start taking a pill twice a day EVERY DAY for the rest of my life to stop kidney stones from forming inside of me, but I'm 18 years old (in 3 days) and too young to depend on medicine for the rest of my life. And that is my rant on kidney stones for today. The end.
On a totally different note...
Lately I have been pondering certain song lyrics...
Yeah, maybe you can hear the doubt in my voice... but can you hear the deepest threads of my heart...? they're screaming in pain. they're screaming for you.
College is coming up, I'm not ready. The one person I want right now is 1200 miles away, it hurts. I'll finally be 18, all that means to me is that I have even more responsibility than before. I'm going to live in Ames soon with crazy college kids, I wonder how many times I'll have to say no to alcohol. I'm going to be on my own, I bet I'm gonna mess up a lot. Like I said at the beginning... I'm kind of in a bad mood. slash weird. bad and weird. yeah...
On a totally different note...
Lately I have been pondering certain song lyrics...
"You cannot quit me so quickly, there's no hope in you for me... No corner you could squeeze me, but I got all the time for you love..."-dmb
"Sometimes it seems that I don't have the skills to recollect the twists and turns of plot that turned us from lovers to friends.. I am thinking I should take that volume back up off the shelf and crack its weary spine and read to help remind myself..."-dcfc
"I am waiting for you to flee the scene... as if you held in your hand the smoking gun and on the floor laid the one you said you loved..."-dcfc
"...'Cause the season's change was a conduit, and we left our love in our summer skin..."-dcfc
Yeah, maybe you can hear the doubt in my voice... but can you hear the deepest threads of my heart...? they're screaming in pain. they're screaming for you.
College is coming up, I'm not ready. The one person I want right now is 1200 miles away, it hurts. I'll finally be 18, all that means to me is that I have even more responsibility than before. I'm going to live in Ames soon with crazy college kids, I wonder how many times I'll have to say no to alcohol. I'm going to be on my own, I bet I'm gonna mess up a lot. Like I said at the beginning... I'm kind of in a bad mood. slash weird. bad and weird. yeah...
Monday, August 07, 2006
a portrait of resistance
As I sit here and behold gray and purple clouds with my eyes, I think only of a deep desire to crawl underneath my covers and remain there just long enough to sleep through Moving Day. Maybe I'm just having one of those days, but I simply don't want to go to college. I don't feel good about moving all of my belongings to a new, tiny living space, just like every other freshman will be doing, therefore diminishing my orginally-excited feelings even moreso, seeing as there are bajillions of kids everywhere doing exactly the same thing as me and feeling either exactly the same way as me or the complete opposite. Hence, I make a big deal of something that really isn't one, so an apathetic feeling buries inside of me and is content and does not want to leave. In this case, I would rather just sit back and glide over silver clouds in the dreams of a sleeping child. I would rather find myself in the body of a child who does not throw any notice to the winds of change, for the changes of childhood are slower and lack the punch-in-the-face feeling of the changes in the life of someone like me. Perhaps my desire to hide from the inevitable things of life means I am still immature, I am not ready for what is to come. Or, perhaps my ability to observe such desires and interpret them mean simply that I am behaving in a completely natural way any 18 year old young person with such big changes upon them would behave. Or, maybe I am out of my mind and stupid.
Whatever the case may be, I don't want to move out of my house and my lovely bedroom. I don't want to sleep in a new bed for an entire year and eat food that was not cooked by my mom. I DO, however, want to expand my knowledge of the ever-changing world of academia around me. That never changes for me for some reason...
Whatever the case may be, I don't want to move out of my house and my lovely bedroom. I don't want to sleep in a new bed for an entire year and eat food that was not cooked by my mom. I DO, however, want to expand my knowledge of the ever-changing world of academia around me. That never changes for me for some reason...
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Bleeding Kansas, baby
Bleeding Kansas
Bleeding Kansas, sometimes referred to as Bloody Kansas and/or the Border War, was a sequence of violent events involving abolitionists and pro-SlaveryKansas Territory between roughly 1854 and 1856. The territory bordered Missouri, a state where slavery was allowed, and the area became a battleground for pro-slavery and anti-slavery forces who fought over whether the resulting state of Kansas should be a slave state or a free state. There was a total of 157 deaths during this period. Historians today believe that only 56 of these deaths were connected to the issue of slavery or politics while the other 101 deaths were drunken brawls or personal issues. elements that took place inA few famous people involved with Bleeding Kansas are John Brown and Silas Soule.
It has been argued by some historians that the violence during this period was the true beginning of the American Civil War.
Wow. Seeing Death Cab For Cutie at the Bleeding Kansas music fest this weekend was totally worth the forty dollars plus gas/food money... because it was the most fantastic concert I've ever experienced.Not only was the music most excellent and beautiful live, but the whole show was amazing... the performance itself, the stage, the environment, the people, everything. Keane was an awesome concert too! I really enjoyed them, they were so energetic! And the lead vocals... absolutely beautiful voice... he's got pipes man. Sometimes bands sound so different live than they do on their cd's, but that was not the case here. Ok, and his british accent MAY have caused me to feel weak in the knees, just a little bit. Ok, ok........ A LOT. I love how he called cell phones "mobile phones" and albums "records"... haha, and when he was talking about one song he used the word "wintry"... I turned to Erin and told her I want him to read me poetry sometime, because that would just be beautiful. haha. Seriously though.
Back to Death Cab's performance though, definitely the highlight of my night. The songs I think they performed the BEST live are the following: "Soul Meets Body", "What Sarah Said", "We Looked Like Giants", "Title & Registration", "Transatlanticism", aaand "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" (purely acoustic, gorgeous). I love how they started off the show with my FAVORITE song on their 'Plans' album... "Marching Bands of Manhattan". Some other songs they did... "Expo '86", "The New Year", "Crooked Teeth", "How Many Calls", "The Sound of Settling", "Your Heart is an Empty Room", "Different Names for the Same Thing", and some more. I have to say the most amazing part of the show was when they played my absolutely favorite from their 'Transatlanticism' album-- "We Looked Like Giants". I kid you not, it went on for like 8 minutes, and half of the song, probably more than that actually, was purely instrumental... oh gosh, it was beautiful. I enjoyed it more than any other part of the show, I wish it never would have ended. :-)
My Keane favorites they played are probably like "no duh!"... but I definitely loved "Somewhere Only We Know", "Is It Any Wonder?", "Bend & Break", "Nothing In My Way", aaand "We Might As Well Be Strangers". Wonderful, wonderful music!!!
I can't not mention Mates of State, 'cause I totally loved them too. Their music is so different and weird, I can't stand it haha it's AWESOME. They are just two people- husband and wife, the wife is on keyboards, the husband on drums. They both sing and their harmonies are strange and beautiful, I looove it. I plan on familiarizing myself with their albums much more after this.
We saw 7 or 8 bands in all (just on the Main Stage). There were like 20 other bands that played at two smaller tents, so music was heard all day and night... 9 hours of live music!!! Haha, I brought that up to Erin at one point, I was like hey... ya know, when this is all over, we will have listened to live music for 9 hours straight. SWEETNESS, I tell you, sweetness. Another band that played on the main stage worth mentioning was called Aberdeen City, and I thought they were awesome. They're from Boston, if I recall correctly. Also, Broken Social Scene was a main event, and I liked their music but... it was after Mates of State and before Keane, and I was absolutely exhausted from being out in the heat all afternoon so I pretty much laid back on our quilt and fell asleep for most of the show. haha. I remember hearing 3 or 4 songs, a couple at the beginning and one at the end of their show... but that's all. They were sweet, I was just kind of out of it! Not my faves though.
After Death Cab performed and the festival was officially over (for those of us under 21, that is), the three of us traveled on over to Kansas City where we spent the night at Jamie's Grandparents' house... but before arriving there, we took a little detour to get some dinner (at midnight, heck yes!). We ended up at a Wendy's, where I (being the driver), pretty much acted like a drunk, giggling fool. It was the lemonade and the heat I think. It was a long day. So anyway, everything was hilarious to us. Even ordering our food... "a jr. bacon cheeseburger...mayonaisse...ONLY???" - "anything else?" - "yes, for the 5th time YES! We WILL be ordering more food, we have THREE people in this car who want food! YES!!!" hahahahah... ok, it was just really funny, but you probably had to be there. Oh goodness.
Erin, Jamie and I had a GREAT time together... it was a wonderful drive down there and even though it was 111 degrees outside, even though we sweated like 5 gallons of salt while we were there, I think it was pretty much a perfect weekend getaway extravaganza. All I can say is... you CAN get drunk off of lemonade if you have 6 glasses... and... ILOVEDEATHCABFORCUTIE. The end. :-)
Friday, August 04, 2006
Dr. Flood's diagnosis (that really is my kidney doctor's name)
Health update:
I had an appointment today with my kidney doctor. We saw it necessary for me to see him after certain occurrences as of late, like my little visit to the ER in Raleigh, and, I don't know, all the pain and discomfort that I've felt for the past 3 weeks every time I go to the bathroom or, anytime at all really. Apparantly I've lost weight... that was the first thing he asked me about when he walked into the room. Weird? But anyway, basically, all of the problems and symptoms I've been experiencing are all connected to the major possibility that I am passing my second kidney stone. There was a time when we knew of four stones inside of me, but I've only passed one, and for the past year I've been under the impression I didn't have anymore. I think that's changed.
So... yes, the doctor. I had to do yet another urine sample, then get bloodwork, oh and then do ONE MORE urine sample (I was chugging water the whole time). Next week I am scheduled for an ultrasound (my third ever), and not only are they checking out my kidneys/bladder for stones, but they're checking my ovaries to make sure it's not a cyst problem... nice (I've ruptured an ovarian cyst in the past, it feels very similar to the pain of a kidney stone actually, so it's a possibility...). Can't wait. Whatever, I'm used to this stuff, it's fine. But I must admit, I always come home feeling a bit depressed after a visit to my kidney doctor. I love the guy, I mean don't get me wrong, he's like the coolest dude ever and our visits are always pleasant, but I hate the disease, I hate how it affects me psychologically and emotionally (obviously physically).
I am praying that this is a kidney stone and that I am in the process of passing it. Give me the pain, I don't care I'll take it, but just get the sucker out of me so that I can be assured that that's what all my misery has come from. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to sound dramatic, but this stuff really does make me feel miserable at times. I know I will find strength somehow, as long as I keep praying and depending on God. I pray that it's not something else, something worse, that's been causing me this pain. I really think it's a kidney stone, and I am confident in that because I'm pretty much a kidney stone pro... I mean, I've been an experienced stoner (hah..) for 5 years now. But you just never know with medical stuff, things can change in an instant, you just never know what the results are going to be.
In only a few hours I will awaken to a new morning, and I will be on the road for 4ish hours with two of my favorite girls ever- Erin Sexton and Jamie Letourneau. We will be cruising to an area close to KU in Kansas for a music festival called Bleeding Kansas... where we will get to see Death Cab, Keane, and Mates of State. And those are just the main events, there are going to be a ton of other bands there too. Good people + good music = good time. I am PUMPED!!!
Pray for my kidneys please.
I had an appointment today with my kidney doctor. We saw it necessary for me to see him after certain occurrences as of late, like my little visit to the ER in Raleigh, and, I don't know, all the pain and discomfort that I've felt for the past 3 weeks every time I go to the bathroom or, anytime at all really. Apparantly I've lost weight... that was the first thing he asked me about when he walked into the room. Weird? But anyway, basically, all of the problems and symptoms I've been experiencing are all connected to the major possibility that I am passing my second kidney stone. There was a time when we knew of four stones inside of me, but I've only passed one, and for the past year I've been under the impression I didn't have anymore. I think that's changed.
So... yes, the doctor. I had to do yet another urine sample, then get bloodwork, oh and then do ONE MORE urine sample (I was chugging water the whole time). Next week I am scheduled for an ultrasound (my third ever), and not only are they checking out my kidneys/bladder for stones, but they're checking my ovaries to make sure it's not a cyst problem... nice (I've ruptured an ovarian cyst in the past, it feels very similar to the pain of a kidney stone actually, so it's a possibility...). Can't wait. Whatever, I'm used to this stuff, it's fine. But I must admit, I always come home feeling a bit depressed after a visit to my kidney doctor. I love the guy, I mean don't get me wrong, he's like the coolest dude ever and our visits are always pleasant, but I hate the disease, I hate how it affects me psychologically and emotionally (obviously physically).
I am praying that this is a kidney stone and that I am in the process of passing it. Give me the pain, I don't care I'll take it, but just get the sucker out of me so that I can be assured that that's what all my misery has come from. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to sound dramatic, but this stuff really does make me feel miserable at times. I know I will find strength somehow, as long as I keep praying and depending on God. I pray that it's not something else, something worse, that's been causing me this pain. I really think it's a kidney stone, and I am confident in that because I'm pretty much a kidney stone pro... I mean, I've been an experienced stoner (hah..) for 5 years now. But you just never know with medical stuff, things can change in an instant, you just never know what the results are going to be.
In only a few hours I will awaken to a new morning, and I will be on the road for 4ish hours with two of my favorite girls ever- Erin Sexton and Jamie Letourneau. We will be cruising to an area close to KU in Kansas for a music festival called Bleeding Kansas... where we will get to see Death Cab, Keane, and Mates of State. And those are just the main events, there are going to be a ton of other bands there too. Good people + good music = good time. I am PUMPED!!!
Pray for my kidneys please.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Honestly...
I just want you to love me the way that I love you.
If everyone disappeared on this earth
except you
I'd be ok with just you.
If you took my hand and held it tight
I'd be your loyal queen
I just want a love that was meant to be.
A fire that doesn't flicker
A life together that doesn't die
A partnership never divided
always united
I just want your love
in all its simplicity
in all its complexity
A smile that speaks of warmth
A touch that ripples into my heart
I just want you to love me the way that I love you.
----------------------
But words are just words and love is just love. The world is full of words and full of love, but that doesn't seem to get me anywhere now does it.
You know it's bad when writing things down doesn't leave me with a sense of hope or relief. And that is exactly what I lack right now.
This is all nonsense, I am ridiculous. I work in the morning, goodnight. Love. <3
You know it's bad when writing things down doesn't leave me with a sense of hope or relief. And that is exactly what I lack right now.
This is all nonsense, I am ridiculous. I work in the morning, goodnight. Love. <3
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
The Future
I burned a cd today and entitled it my "North Carolina Mix". All of the songs have something to do with my visit there this past week. They are either from a mixed cd Adam had playing in his car whenever we drove somewhere, from songs that we have talked about as our shared favorites, songs I distinctly remember listening to on the radio or something while we were together, or songs that remind me of him in general. Some are kind of jokes, but most of them aren't. This is the compilation, in this exact order:
I'm writing so much and feeling so much that I'm starting to get a little overwhelmed. All I know is that I was laying on my bed, curled up in a ball, and feeling as if my heart was literally being torn in half as I thought of him and the distance between us. It's been ONE day. One day.
Everyone there, his neighbors, his friends... asked me the same thing after they heard our story: "so do you see a future together?"
How do I answer that...
- 1. Over My Head (Cable Car) -The Fray
- 2. Things We Go Through - Hawk Nelson
- 3. American Baby - DMB
- 4. Ridin' - Chamillionaire
- 5. Buttons - The Pussycat Dolls
- 6. Son's Gonna Rise - Citizen Cope
- 7. Bad Day - Daniel Powter
- 8. Unfaithful - Rihanna
- 9. Blind - Lifehouse
- 10. The Space Between - DMB
- 11. What's Left Of Me - Nick Lachey
- 12. Hide & Seek - Imogen Heap
- 13. Breathe (2AM) - Anna Nalick
- 14. If You Could Only See - Tonic
- 15. Where'd You Go - Fort Minor
- 16. You And Me - Lifehouse
- 17. The Adventure - Angels & Airwaves
I'm writing so much and feeling so much that I'm starting to get a little overwhelmed. All I know is that I was laying on my bed, curled up in a ball, and feeling as if my heart was literally being torn in half as I thought of him and the distance between us. It's been ONE day. One day.
Everyone there, his neighbors, his friends... asked me the same thing after they heard our story: "so do you see a future together?"
How do I answer that...
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Home from Raleigh
Oh my goodness. I am home from North Carolina. It was a long day of flying because of some long flight delays, but I've never felt so great after flying 3 hours, seriously. In the past, I've always felt woozy and nauseous, but coming home today was smooth and relaxing. Loved it.
I was only gone for a week, but I feel weird being home in Iowa, a little out of place even. I'd be lying if I told anyone I don't miss Adam and North Carolina already, 'cause I do... I really, really do. North Carolina is the most beautiful state ever, but I guess I can't say that since I haven't traveled to every state yet. I still think it's gorgeous. I love the trees. We think the things we have in Iowa are trees.... that's laughable when you see Raleigh! There is so much history in that city, I just love it. Gosh, the South really is different from the Midwest. People are people, yeah, but there's something about the way those Southerners are that I noticed all week, and the other time I was there last year as well.
I have to go to sleep real quick here because I work in the morning and my body clock is actually telling me that it's an hour later than what it is right now... but one more thing before I go- Adam is so special to me, he will always be in my heart. I miss him so much already. I'm incredibly grateful to have met him 3 years and 5 months ago and still be close to him to this day, even though we live 1200 miles away from each other. God must be taking care of everything that gets lost in the distance. Thank you Father.
I was only gone for a week, but I feel weird being home in Iowa, a little out of place even. I'd be lying if I told anyone I don't miss Adam and North Carolina already, 'cause I do... I really, really do. North Carolina is the most beautiful state ever, but I guess I can't say that since I haven't traveled to every state yet. I still think it's gorgeous. I love the trees. We think the things we have in Iowa are trees.... that's laughable when you see Raleigh! There is so much history in that city, I just love it. Gosh, the South really is different from the Midwest. People are people, yeah, but there's something about the way those Southerners are that I noticed all week, and the other time I was there last year as well.
I have to go to sleep real quick here because I work in the morning and my body clock is actually telling me that it's an hour later than what it is right now... but one more thing before I go- Adam is so special to me, he will always be in my heart. I miss him so much already. I'm incredibly grateful to have met him 3 years and 5 months ago and still be close to him to this day, even though we live 1200 miles away from each other. God must be taking care of everything that gets lost in the distance. Thank you Father.
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