"DECODE" - Paramore.

How can I decide what's right?
When you're clouding up my mind
I can't win your losing fight all the time
Not gonna ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
But you won't take away my pride
No not this time
Not this time

How did we get here?
When I use to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood,
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are
If you're a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out on my own
On my own ("I'm screaming I love you so")
On my own (My thoughts you can't decode)

How did we get here?
When I use to know you so well, yeah.
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves

Yeah
How did we get here?
When I use to know you so well, yeah yeah
How did we get here?
Well, I use to know you so well

I think I know
I think I know
There is something I see in you
It might kill me I want it to be true.

this is what I pray.

In my life, be lifted high
in my world, be lifted high
in my love, be lifted high
higher, higher

i call, You answer
and You came to my rescue
and i want to be where You are.
-------------------------------

show me Your heart
show me Your way
show me Your glory

Your fire fall down
fire fall down
on us, we pray
we'll never be the same again
fire fall down
fire fall down
on us, we pray
as we seek You, Lord.

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I am once again quite ill. I have an infection that spread to both my kidneys and now I have a nasty kidney infection. I'm very scared it won't get better from the medicine I was put on, because then I will have to be hospitalized and I really don't need the stress of all of that. I'm already stressed and down as it is. I got to go to Salt tonight though, which gave me a little boost in my spirit and my emotional/mental state. I am praying so hard that my infection clears up. I know God will take care of me, no matter what happens.

Loosening the grip.

It's sad that one day can unravel months, even years, of growth in a friendship. There are some disappointments in life you just can't ever be prepared for, and seeing someone for who they really are is one of them. Especially when you see them in a light you wish had never been turned on... because it's ugly.

One thing I have learned about living is that you can't fix your friends. Along with that, you have to weigh the mistakes and the consequences and their impact on you, and figure out what's best for yourself- not them. Otherwise, it's just not healthy.

All people have patterns. Most of life contains cycles that we fall in and out of. When you start seeing a bad pattern in someone you have always held in high opinion, things can get a little difficult and complicated. You have an attachment to the past of this person, but you have a "detach button" ready to be hit for the present, because you look out into your future and you see them continuing their patterns over and over and over again, and it's just too much to ask yourself to overlook all the hurt and all the problems it's going to cause you later on... not to mention what it's already caused you at the present moment.

I never used to be able to detach myself from anybody. Even the most destructive of relationships. But I can now. The question now is, how do I know which function to practice, and to what extent? I am at a loss for words at this point.