Saturday, January 13, 2007

it's snowing...

I have to get these thoughts written down immediately or i might lose them! I JUST arrived home in good ol' Helser, and lots and lots of things happened. So now I am going to retell exactly what I saw...

As I began my walk back home from my friends' dorm on the other side of campus, I wasn't exactly eager to freeze my butt off from the winter air around me. Instead, something fell over me, calming me and warming me. I realized, it was snow. Snow was falling all around me, it was falling and landing on my face and my hair, my coat and my jeans. It was faintly crunching beneath my shoes with each step I took. I started ascending the small hill before I reached my halfway point, between their dorm and mine, and my head was filled with thoughts of the weather surrounding me. I had already passed two strangers at this point, one a man and another a woman. They neither smiled nor made any notice at me or the phenomenon floating down to the ground before us. It bothered me. Passing my halfway point, I thought about the cliches that are often connected with snow. Like, snow is the ultimate symbol of purity in the world. It falls from the sky, the purest white you've ever seen, and covers the land with a blanket of white. I've heard that all my life, or thought it myself many times over the years. Another cliche might be that snow is the symbol for new beginnings. Snow is the visual proof that the season has changed once again. With that change, a new season is here to stay for a while. Fall is no longer and Spring is the future. With a snow fall, the land is covered and everything under that fresh layer of snow can no longer be seen. So start fresh. You have a clean plate, a clean plate of snow that you can now start filling again with new mistakes, new experiences, new relationships, whatever you want. New beginnings come from the snowfall, perhaps the snow is forgiveness in tangible form. I thought about how I had heard those metaphorical statements before, and then formed something new. New to myself, at least. I can't recall ever thinking this before: sure, the snow could symbolize purity, change, new beginnings, hope, forgiveness... but you know what I think it symbolizes the most? Picture someone who means the world to you. This person pretty much IS the world to you. But then, this person starts to live their life without you, without caring about you, without wanting to know you all the sudden- they live on their own, away from you. They do all things that all people around us do now- build, walk, destroy, eat, drink, grow, speak, etc. Before you know it, this person who used to be this wonderful, beautiful, pure person... is messy, and dirty, and full of unclean things. But something inside of you stops you from hating this person, instead, you have a neverending amount of love for them. No matter how much they hurt you by separating themselves from you, no matter how much they spited you for dirtying up something meant to be clean and so pure-- you just love them more than anything. What happens next? You show them your love, by sending something pure and beautiful down to them, to cover all their uncleanliness with your love, and give them new chances, time and time again, to live pure and clean like they were meant to live. Snow is like love. That's what I decided on my walk tonight, and nobody can tell me any different, i'm sticking with love. And i know someone somewhere is going to think how cliche that is, and how unoriginal I am. but I think snow is like love.

I had about 6 or 7 minutes to go til I arrived home to my dorm. My steps had led me past two more people, who behaved exactly the same as the last two people I had encountered walking up the hill. And right after I thought how sad it was that no one walking by me seemed to be enjoying the snow flakes floating around us as much as me... another person was walking in the opposite direction of me. And as we passed, she made eye contact with me and spoke as if she was bursting to tell me, "isn't it pretty...?!" and gave me this huge smile, to match my own! oh wow! I was smiling and responded, "oh I know! I love it!!" ...and we both continued on our ways. Not a second later, the path split into two paths ahead of me, and I saw to the left path a man and a woman, kissing under brown trees with white tips. I thought for a moment I had wandered into a dream world, where couples embraced and kissed as snow fell gently all around them and wrapped them up in bliss-- then, I realized it was real, it was happening right there... and so I kept walking. I crossed the street and I was still taking in what had just occurred. First the girl who shared my joy, and second the kissing couple in dream world. It was then I noticed something. My body temperature had dropped tremendously since I first walked into the cold, frosty air. But it was weird, really weird... because I didn't feel cold at all. I knew I was, but I couldn't really tell. I wasn't numb. I could feel everything else, so I know it wasn't numbness. No. I had snow flakes all over me. The direction I was walking in at that time made it so the snow was floating right at my face, into my eyes. I could feel every soft, cold flake hit my face, but I wasn't feeling cold at all. My body wasn't cold, because my heart was warm. My soul was warm. There's no other explanation. I was very close to my destination at this point in my walk. But it wasn't over yet. I looked up towards the black sky, and saw every white flake falling with grace to the ground. Slowly, very slowly. It almost seemed as if time could have been stopped, and each flake would have just stayed in mid-air... it was falling with that much grace.

It occurred to me then, that snow was unique. Every kind of substance, or kind of weather (at least that I can think of right now) that comes from the sky and the clouds above us... makes noise as it floats and falls. You can hear wind. You can hear it blowing past your ears, and blowing leaves around the concrete. You can hear rain when it hits the ground, when it hits your roof, your car. You can hear it splash into puddles in the parking lot, into rain gutters around your house. You can obviously hear hail. Clearly, thunder and lightning make quite a racket as well. But... what about snow? Nope. Snow is silent. The action of snow falling to the ground is completely quiet. That's why it's so peaceful, and so calming to me. It's unique that way, isn't it? The way it doesn't create any noise as it falls to the earth, but it just falls. I love that.

I was about to place my hand on the door to my dorm and open it, but... I turned back. I stood there. I wasn't cold. So I just stood there a while, and looked out at the world around me. Not wanting to leave the beauty of snow and its comfort, I walked some more. I walked around my dorm and closed my eyes a few times as the snow hit my face. I felt the soft little crystals chill my face and never wanted it to stop for some reason. I was back to the door, once again, and I couldn't bring myself to opening it. I wasn't done yet. So I walked up some steps to the building I spend so many of my mealtimes at, and I leaned against the railing and watched the snow falling to the ground around campus. A few minutes later, I returned to the door, opened it, and climbed four flights to my domain. I left the winter wonderland outside, in hope that when I return to it in the morning, the land will still be covered in beautiful snow... new, fresh snow. I rapidly unlocked the door to my room, pulled off my damp coat and shoes, and sat down here so that I could write everything that just happened and every detail I could remember from my walk home. So that is what I just did.

Sorry for any mechanical errors you may have found. I'll come back later and check over my grammar and what not- of course. But you must not get angry, because it is 3 in the morning and I am tired. Goodnight!!!

2 comments:

Lindsey said...

you write pastoral poetry don't you!?!?!!!

Anonymous said...

i liked it