2 old poems

I wrote this in early 2006, and it became the inspiration for one of my favorite paintings from my AP Studio Art collection my senior year of high school. Lately I've been trying to take my inspiration and this whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, and put them into poetry.. but I've been having trouble getting a good rhythm, so I've been looking back at old poetry to maybe stir up something.

I'm the queen of fixing grammar errors
but I cannot speak these words
I listen with my heart
but cannot submit to the truth
I'm amazing at smiling through pain
but cannot laugh away your face
I'm great at writing out my feelings
but cannot feel great after I write them
I'm so strong when I'm around you
but cannot hide my weakness when I am not
I'm good at crying out to my Father
but cannot hear what He says back
I'm able to withstand the hard times
but cannot see light at the end of this
I'm joyful whenever you see me
but cannot be happy in my isolation
I'm alright with admitting that I've fallen
but cannot figure out how to rise up
I'm ok with change and adapting
but cannot accept that I'm losing you
I'm the biggest optimist you've ever known
but cannot convince myself you'll ever hug me again
I'm a vigorous fighter in most cases
but cannot fight off the inevitable
I'm skilled in bouncing back
but cannot go anywhere but down
I'm a lover, I'm a dreamer, I'm an artist
but I cannot find the love in this pain
I cannot dream away this nightmare
I cannot paint this hole in my heart.
-----

And this is a poem I wrote actually a little over 2 years ago, in April of 2005.... it inspired my absolute FAVORITE painting, because it made me feel so much as I wrote it, and every time I read over it again... it was easy to represent the tone in beautiful colors. There is nothing I love more than using color to demonstrate how I feel.

All the voices fade away
the colors around me turn to gray
background noises gradually drop out
no more whispers, no murmurs of doubt
Alone I lay, broken on the floor
ever-hopeful heart like an open door
lingering scent upon my soul, I pray:
please stay, oh I pray that you stay
With time on my side I am so high
above mountains of worry and rivers run dry
high I sigh while I glide along a cloud
breaking the silence I SCREAM OUT LOUD
ALIVE I scream and ALIVE I bleed
escape the cage and be free, resist the feed
take heed: the others oppose your heart
their words will wound like a poison dart
Tonight my light guides me down my path
I know not when I will next face your wrath
but somehow dark edges remain on the outside
all I see: a sunset offshore of the restless tide
With water rising ever-presently all around me
fears of drowning swim into view constantly
like millions of grains of sand in my hand
these thoughts will slip through the cracks; I will stand!
-tall! amongst the angry and ignorant crowd
with voices that pierce, I still remain proud
if fight you I must, then FIGHT YOU I WILL
I will protect my heart, MY LOVE YOU CANNOT KILL.
---
<3 the end.