"...then ask me what it's like to have my self so figured out. wish I knew."

This is one of those days, or, rather... one of those WEEKS, where all I want to do is sit somewhere and drink coffee, or tea, all day long (forget food!). And watch the weather, and think about life, and talk about the things that really matter. I feel like I'm spinning.

I wish I were in Paris, or Rome, or Florence... sitting in a quaint cafe, discussing the beauty of the city and art and favorite poets and authors. I could sit on a dock overlooking the sea and write about people as they walk by and somehow write an amazing piece that links humanity with beautiful metaphors like gardens and the ocean, just from my observations, and learn about life and teach others about it.

If I were moved back into my dorm at ISU, I would have my room dimly lit with soft background music playing (Brand New, "Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't"). I'd be bumming around in my blue wangsta (gangsta + wigger) warm-up pants, a large valley soccer sweatshirt from many years ago, big fluffy slippers, and I'd be typing this from my spot on my futon as a storm brews and blows against my window facing Lincoln Way, making me feel safe and warm.

I'm spinning. There's an orbit in my head, and I'm riding the line in-between planet carefree fun and planet responsible reality. The latter is much bigger, scarier, and closer. But I'm excited, oh so excited for what is to come. I have no fear. Just promises of living for something real, something more than just this world.

Does anyone really know what they want to be? Am I not already who I am going to be, because I am being right now? Am I not this person that lives every day out- will I not be this person someday later on because I attended a 4-year university and have accreditation to my name that I don't have just yet? I know not my course, but Somebody does. That's all I care about.

And to end this entirely strange collection of thoughts...

"Oh we're so c-c-c-controversial.
We are entirely smooth.
We admit to the truth.
We are the best at what we do.
And these are the words you wish you wrote down,
This is the way you wish your voice sounds,
Handsome and smart.
Oh my tongue’s the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart.
And it’s all from watching TV,
And from speeding up my breathing.
Wouldn’t stop if I could.
Oh, it hurts to be this good.
Holding on to your grudge.
Oh, it hurts to always have to be honest
with the one that you love.
Oh, so let it go."
--Brand New

Lots of Love <3>