"I think that we've got what it takes to get this heart start beating again..."

"...So take it all the way!
Whoa, whoa
and our hearts are on the everglow
deep inside we both know it
everything's hanging on this moment
whoa, whoa
and our hearts are on the everglow
every action begs a reaction
we'll figure it out, and make it happen
whoa, whoa
and our hearts are on the everglow
so just let go and fall into it!"

Life's tugging at me again. You know how things just make you feel a little crazy sometimes, like you want so much more, but you're just not getting it. I'm a pretty open person, at least I'd like to say so without being labeled as one of those crazy, psycho open people who make everyone else feel uncomfortable they're just SO open about anything and everything. I'm not afraid to be vulnerable. I'm afraid of being taken advantage of when I'm in a vulnerable state, because it's happened more than once, but, being vulnerable itself doesn't scare me. I can admit to certain things that I guess some people have a really hard time admitting. Maybe because I grew up being a weird kid who wrote all the time and one of those freaks who kept notebooks and notebooks full of stuff they wrote throughout their life..? You can't be a writer if you're a liar. Writing is so intimate, people smell bs (censored) before they get to the second paragraph. So I've been disciplined through writing to just be honest. Being honest doesn't make things easier all the time, and it doesn't take away confusion... but the truth shall set you free. duh. everyone knows that.

If I could wish for anything right now, it'd be to fall in love. Not just, I want to be with you all the time, I think about you every second of every day love, but- I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side love. The love that drives you so crazy, you write love songs and poetry and it makes you feel like you don't care what happens as long as you're with the person you're in love with. Is it obtainable? Is it unrealistic? Sometimes I think it'll never happen, I'll be completely honest. Sometimes I can't imagine having a husband and kids someday because I can't see myself ever getting to that place in my life. But, ugh, other times? I just want to sit in my room all day and sing and dance and write about love. And not think about anything else. I just want to dream about the one who's going to come into my life and change me forever. The one who will sweep me off my feet and hold me in their arms until death do us part.
Sometimes I hear a song and it makes me feel like love- does that make ANY sense? to feel like love? I mean to feel like a cloud is surrounding your body and you're embodying love itself? and I stop breathing for a moment because my heart feels so incomplete when I realize how we were not meant to be alone and by ourselves. We were meant to be unified with another counterpart, to share our lives, to share our souls together as one. I close my eyes and all I see is a silhouette somewhere far off in the distance, far enough to be out of reach, but close enough to still be in view.

I blame this insanity on my recent viewing of one of my favorite movies ever- Wicker Park, and also listening to too much Mae. If I had someone do everything to find me and finally find me and come behind me and sit there just waiting for me to turn around and meet their gaze, and then cling to me and forget the hundreds of people walking around us and only see the person holding my face and kissing me and looking at me like I'm the most beautiful person their eyes have ever seen.... I would probably die of happiness, shock, and utter joy. No, I'd just know what love really is.

If you don't have a clue where I'm getting this lovey-dovey-mushy-gushy crap from, listen to "Breakdown", "The Everglow", and "Ready and Waiting to Fall" by Mae... and then watch the movie Wicker Park and pay close attention to the last scene. I'm serious!

"...But that September sky
how it whispered "I love you"
but I couldn't take it any longer
no I couldn't stand..."